Modesty 101 – 3 Main Areas To Consider
While I previously have tried to avoid sharing super specific guidelines for modesty on the blog, I feel like it would be good to share the rules I have for myself. Hopefully by now you all know me well enough to understand that this isn’t going to be a legalistic post where I shame everyone who doesn’t follow these rules, right?
We all have different convictions – styles, body shapes, husbands (or fathers) who have preferences, etc. Honestly, convictions can change over time. So can body shapes, but that’s a depressing topic to me right now so let’s move on. Hopefully one day I can start working on losing this baby weight. 🙂
Let’s dive right in to modesty 101.
First, “Why modesty?”
You have no idea what a loaded question that can be!
Is it to hide our bodies from men so we can keep them from even looking at us?
Are we ashamed of our bodies, and want to cover them from head to toe?
Or maybe we dress modestly because that’s what our church or our religion expects of us, and we hate to be rule breakers, so we wear modest clothing but it’s not really in our hearts.
I’m here to tell you, I don’t wear modest clothing for any of those reasons.
I don’t feel like I have the weight of a man’s lust upon my shoulders. Even if I wore the most modest clothes in the world, a woman can still have a beautiful face that a man can lust over. I definitely keep my brothers in Christ in mind when I’m getting dressed, but I know that I ultimately can’t control every thought they have just by putting on a dress.
I’m not ashamed of who God created me to be. I am a woman. I do have curves and I don’t feel like I have to wear a robe to be modest. However, that doesn’t mean I wear skin tight clothing to reveal all my curves. I love this quote:
Finally, I’m not part of a religion that dictates what clothing I wear, and I’ve written before on how I don’t feel like the classic scripture in Deuteronomy demands that I wear skirts only.
So what’s the big deal then? What’s the big hoopla about modesty?
Some might say it’s a selfish reason, but I want to be considered a lady. I don’t need the postman to see my cleavage when I go to get my mail, and I don’t need the people in the parking lot to see the edges of my underwear when I load the van full of groceries. I want to earn respect from those around me, and part of that comes from how I dress.
Whether you wear strictly skirts and dresses, or you wear jeans, here are a few guidelines that I feel are essential.
The Top
- My cleavage needs to be covered. That doesn’t mean I have to wear necklines that choke me, but I also need to make sure I’m covered up. This also includes doing the bend over test in front of a mirror. It’s pretty easy to layer low cut dresses or shirts with a Halftee.
The Middle
- My stomach needs to be covered. End of story. When I bend over, I want to be sure my backside is covered. If you raise your arms and your shirt comes up all the time, layer with a tank underneath.
- My back needs to be covered. I’m not going to wear a dress scooped really low, unless I’m layering something under it.
- My bottom is not going to be covered in words such as “hot,” “cutie,” or my favorite sports team. Actually, my bottom will not have any words at all on what I’m wearing!
The Bottom
- Hemlines are very controversial, but I always ask myself, can I get on the floor and play with the children in this skirt? If I’m sitting in a chair and a guy is sitting across from me, can he see up my legs? Am I drawing attention by having my legs showing in a short skirt or dress?
- As for pants, I watched this video recently by Jen Hatmaker called For The love of Fashion, and her thoughts on leggings. I thought she did a great job of defining what leggings really are for. For me, fleece lined leggings are for under my skirts to keep me warm in the wintertime. That’s it.
There are so many creative ways to wear modest clothing, whether it’s wearing a tunic shirt and jeans together, an adorable dress, or a classic skirt and cardigan combo. You can still express yourself and your personality while wearing something that is considered modest!
You might consider subscribing to the blog so you can join our modesty Facebook group. I love seeing the different outfits posted there, as it definitely reflects the personalities of the lades represented there!
One way I love to show my personality is through wearing flexi clips that match my outfits. I have my favorites, and even though I have quite the collection by now, I tend to reach for these certain clips over and over again!
Lilla Rose has released several brand new products today, and they released the February monthly clip early so people had plenty of time to order and receive it for Valentine’s Day!
You can save 10% off these new releases, and every order of $50 or more will receive a free set of Vintage Heart You-Pins! This offer is only available through Wednesday, January 27th.
They also released this adorable penguin flexi clip! I think it’s really cute! I love penguins, and have a softness in my heart for them as my nickname when I’m pregnant is penguin. 🙂 We went to the St. Louis zoo when I was 8 months pregnant with our oldest, and literally were trying to run through to see the penguins before the zoo closed. I was waddling around just like a penguin, so my husband lovingly started calling me that, and every pregnancy after that I’ve heard the name!
I have much trouble finding attractive dresses that come below the knee. I usually end up wearing ankle length but really prefer just below the knee. Almost impossible to find.
Sandy, you might find catalog orders are better for you. I find most dresses in the mall are much too short (I have had success at Christopher & Banks) and that catalog clothiers often offer better options.
I have the same issue girl! And I started going to the thrift store to look for knee length skirts ! I’ve found 3 so far!! Be a good place to check out!!
I like the quote, but the graphic has a typo. It reads “…loose enough to show you’re are …”
What exactly is the typo that you found? I’m not seeing anything wrong.
🙂 I had to look too. It says “you’re are” instead of “you’re” (which is basically “you are”… the way it is typed is redundant.
You are totally right! I had my husband look at it also because I had a feeling something was wrong before I published this, but I just copied the quote that I found online and that’s how it was written out. Sorry about that! I’ll fix it and upload a new image tonight.
Love the quote (even with the error). Great post! Thank you!
it says “you’re” and then “are” again…it should be “you’re” or it should be “you are” not “you’re are”
(Should say “to show you are a lady”). The typo is one of those “fools the brain” things, because the brain goes into auto-read mode. 🙂 Enjoyed the article.
This was a great article. I agree with your modesty guidelines! The one area I struggle in is I love my yoga pants because it is so easy to just throw them on and go!
The picture at the top of your post seems very immodest to me – something slipping off a bare shoulder & exposed toes in shoes that are meant to attract male attention are both questionable. Traditionally, a lady covered her arms – at least to the elbow, and covered her feet. I at first thought that your picture was intended to be a *bad* example.
It looks like the lady is wearing a light shawl, those do some times fall off the shoulders as they are just a light drape. As for toes that attract male attention, in the article she states she doesn’t dress modestly because she feels the weight of men’s lust upon her, that even if you wore robes you could have a beautiful face that caused a man to lust. I think the picture is that of a beautiful young lady and I see nothing questionable. Questionable would be skinny jeans or leggings or any of the other 100s of things it seems like comes out every year, the more skin showing the better. And, frankly, traditionally could mean robes wore in Bible times…or in pioneer days, ladies wore the long dresses and high collars and petticoats and all sorts of underthings. In the 1930s, it was dresses to the calf and you could wear shorter sleeves. And traditionally the Amish and Mennonites, who I am more familiar with since they live in our area, still wear the long sleeves and long dresses and head coverings. So modesty isn’t really a “no toes showing” policy for everyone.
I enjoyed reading this post and agree with all you say. I try to follow very similar guidelines as yourself. I am often frustrated by tops I like being too low cut or skirts being too short.
I used to be skirts/dresses only – not for strict religious reasons but because I liked to dress in a modest and feminine way. I did start to wear trousers (pants)just over two years ago but always make sure that my rear is covered at all times with a long top, tunic or jacket when wearing them in public to maintain modesty. None of my trousers are slim fit – I would never wear skinny for example.
I have just posted on a pair of modestly styled trousers which will be great for wearing around the house and garden during the colder months.
Do you still wear your jeans or pants with your tunic?
Did you mean to say “Jen Hatmaker” and not “Ann Hatmaker”? 😉
Yes I did! I even have her book by my bed to read but I keep wanting to call her Ann Hatmaker for some strange reason. I must still be sleep deprived from nursing a baby. LOL I corrected it. Thanks!
I love that you referenced Jen Hatmakers video! I am on her launch team and we frequently talk about leggings mishaps!
Oh how fun to be on her launch team! What does she have coming out?
Thank you for writing this post. I just started a blog, and wrote a post as well today on modesty, and why I started wearing skirts 8 years ago. I appreciate you sharing this for everyone to see. And, what we wear, is a direct reflection of God, and how we want others to see us. God works on us in different ways, and shows each one of us how we are to dress, and we have different personal convictions as well.