Is there such a thing as true love?
This post is written with my younger unmarried readers in mind, which I know I have because of the emails I receive. 🙂
When I was growing up I was madly in love with the idea of one day falling in love. Of giving my first kiss to the man that would have my heart forever, someone that would cherish me, treat me like a princess. Yes, I wanted the dashing prince to come along on horseback and take me to his castle to live happily ever after.
Does such a thing exist? Is there really such a thing as true love? It all sounds lovely in fairytales, or in Jane Austen novels where the good guy always either changes his ways and wins the girl’s heart (Hello Mr. Darcy!) or they triumph over the bad guy (Enter Colonel Brandon!). But can a man really bring you happiness and make you feel like a princess?
Absolutely, but only if you are resting in Christ.
My 32 year old husband is back in college with all the 19 and 20 year olds. He is surrounded by young ladies who have all settled for boyfriends that they are not happy with, they complain about how they are treated, the lack of respect and tenderness they get. In short, they have stopped believing what I’m sure their girlhood heart wanted to believe, and all examples of manhood around them have been everything but Prince Charming.
If you want something badly you will wait for it. And if the Lord wants you to have it, you will find it.
I didn’t have to wait long at all. I met my future husband when I was 17, and was married to him at 19. My sister had to wait, and wait, and wait until she was 32 before getting married, but she waited until she found the man that God had in store for her, and she is so thankful that she did.
My sister and brother in law’s wedding. My husband I were the maid of honor and the best man. Such fun!
After being married for 10 years now, I’ve definitely had moments in my marriage where everything was roses and the sky was blue, and other times where thunderclouds gently rumbled. I am a sinful human and I’m married to a sinful human, which makes us grouchy, irritable, moody, and impatient with each other at times. Struggles trying to launch businesses, difficult pregnancies, fatigue and adrenal problems, and being parents to five children nine and under can bring tension to a happy marriage. But in spite of all of that, I can say that my Prince Charming indeed did come, and I still believe in the “happily ever after” fairytale. Oh not in the Disney fairytales of fairy godmothers and magic pumpkins, but in a happily ever after story where a man cherishes his wife as tenderly and lovingly as the Lord cherishes his Church. Where a wife adores and loves her husband, and submits herself to him, as the church submits herself to the Lord. Mix in some sacrifice, long suffering, and the belief that marriage does not end when the going gets tough, and you have the makings of a perfect love story.
Every marriage is going to look different, based on the two people that are yoked to each other. What makes one couple happy would make another couple miserable. You might marry a man whose love language is acts of service, so even though he does not quote Sonnets and Shakespeare, he might express how much he loves you by doing the dishes for you when you are exhausted. Another man might express his love through gifts, so even though you might desperately want help doing dishes that night, he goes out and buys you a new dish drainer to show how much he loves you. 🙂
After 10 years of marriage I can happily say (with true thankfulness to God) that the our love for each has only grown stronger. We have bonded even more since my husband went back to college, as we both are working hard together to get him through this. Both of us express our love through physical touch, so we can be seen holding hands, putting our arms around each other, and just siting next to each other when we are out, as much as five children between us will let us!
No marriage is perfect, but please don’t settle for a man who will not cherish you, love you, and adore you. It will make your life miserable, and the children you have together unhappy. A vicious cycle will start where your daughters will think that is normal, and then they will grow up and marry a man who treats them with little respect and very little affection.
Wait for Prince Charming – because such men really do exist. Don’t wait for Barbie’s Ken to come along, the dashing prince with all the physical charms and looks. Patiently rest in the Lord, and wait for a man who has godly charm, and who has desires to lead a family unto the Lord.
My Prince Charming gave me this video for my Valentine’s Day Gift, because doing such things is his love language. Remember, this might not be the love language of the man you marry. Don’t compare, don’t envy, and don’t have a perfect man built up in your mind, unless you are a perfect woman. 🙂
I cried and cried watching this video, it melted my heart that my husband still loves me this much after 10 years of marriage. It gives me confidence during the thunderclouds, and hope for the future. And most of all, it nurtures that girlhood dream that I still have of desiring to be the Princess in one man’s eyes.
Thank you for this encouragement. I’m 33 and I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned while single, but sometimes I need reminders like the ones you wrote about.
Caroline, thank you so much for sharing this. It is super encouraging to those of us who are unmarried. Thank you for reminding us that the commitment to wait for God’s timing is worth it!
Thank you. Took the words out of my mouth. I felt like I had written
this. I have been married to my prince charming for 10 yrs and have 2 boys. God is Good.
Thank you, Caroline. Just THIS morning, I actually said to myself: “are my desires for a good and virtuous man truly worth hoping for, or should I just give up on the hope of marriage altogether?” and God answered in your post. I’m 26, unmarried, and trying very hard to live in the here and now, serving God each day, and being content with my singleness. Easier said than done. 🙂 Thanks for your encouragement!
hey mary, u & i both share d same dilemma..i was jus thinking abt d same thing as u..as im aso 26 & still single..n wonder if God destine me to be single for life…lol..& to think tat i reside in malaysia!n u r miles away from me!n i tot im alone in this struggle!God is so amazing!=D..its good to hear tat someone else is having d same thinking as me & is renew in waiting for His timing!
Ah, Adrienne – this is the truly inspiring and consoling truth to the “family of souls”. Distance, culture, country, can mean little to nothing in the closeness we have by trying to live in Christ and do His Will. I’m encouraged to know that I am not alone, too! Even in Malaysia, there is another 26 year old young woman, desiring and praying for the same thing. Let’s pray for each other as we wait for His timing!!
I agree with you wholeheartedly. I watched my grandparents and my parents before me be mightily blessed on this earth with rock-solid, soulmate-type marriages and I’m 15 years into my own. I marvel that the Lord was so gracious as to allow the two of us to stumble into each other (our meeting was very unlikely, as we lived in two different states!) and to make the unconventional decision to get married on only our second date (which happened to be on my 19th birthday). I love my husband, I pray daily that my four daughters will find husbands that treasure them as much as their father treasures me, and that my two sons will grow into such loving, faithful husbands to their future wives.
In Christ,
Melissa
Thanks for a wonderul reminder. Love those pictures, too, so sweet!
That is so sweet. Thank your for sharing. I’ve been happily married for 20 years to my sweetheart and I can also say that it has grown sweeter over the years. It is work, but it is so worth it all. It is wonderful to see that God has different ages for each of us to find our husband, but a wonderful reminder to not rush it to just get to that point. Thank you and God Bless you both.
I’m already married, but surrounded by many single friends…this is such a great inspirational post for anyone waiting for the person that God has picked out for them 🙂
Beautiful reminder; thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for this encouragement today! My mother used to remind me of all of these things growing up – that a guy worth having would chase me, and not to settle for less than a guy who loves me that much. Lately though it seems she cares more about me just getting married (her biological clock for being a grandmother is ticking louder than mine for being a mom – and that’s really saying something). So it’s good to be reminded of this again. And also encouraging to hear your sister’s story. Any chance she’d ever write a guest post?
I’m not so sure that all exists. I’m 32, and never actually even had a date. Girls do look for certain things first and foremore; Looks, money, and fun. Even the Chrisian ones I’ve met want little to do with me. I know I have some flaws, but I really can’t see myself ever actually getting married. Why marry when I’ve had it ingrained in me by girl after girl (Christian, and non) that I’m not that attractive, and they all want that first (money works as a replacement if you’re willing to go that route).
Dear Unsure,
By the Grace and utter POWER of ALMIGHTY GOD, I can absolutely assure you that YOU ARE MISTAKEN!!! I believe that many good, Godly women would truly be hurt by what you wrote, but then I realize that you have obviously been truly hurt yourself by some Christian women or you wouldn’t have written that. L I also realize because of your age, that this isn’t the complaint of a lovesick schoolboy. You’re genuinely in need of answers after searching and coming up dry.
I am not yet 21, but I’ve grown up longing to be married—really, really wanting to be joined in marriage to a Godly man, who passionately loves the Lord, has an active desire to serve Him, to raise a family and raise it for the Lord, and who cherishes me and the children we may have. I’ve never been on a date either. And I probably won’t for a long, long time L I attend an amazing, yet very small country church out in the boon-docks, and I am a stay-at-home-daughter (I help my mom homeschool and I’m learning now to be a wife and mother later), so to anyone else who may look in at my life (and to my very eager-to-have-me-married grandmothers!) I have slim to no opportunity to get married.
But God is not limited by our circumstances—yours or mine!
You said you have flaws—take advantage of this time as a single young man and work on them! Perhaps by the time the Lord brings your wife along, those issues will not be there!
You said something to the effect of women wanting money and good looks. Obviously this must be true in your experience or you would not have written this, and I feel bad that you have been hurt in such a way, by such women! Especially when there are so many Godly girls who truly don’t give a hoot about either. Those women who have hurt you have probably swallowed more of the world’s lies than they realize! LL They need prayer, not criticism… but who am I to judge, right?
My point is this: I have seen God provide for our large family when my father was laid off and money was super tight. I’ve seen Him work in mighty ways. So if my future husband ain’t the richest dude… who cares!? I would appreciate financial stability (but, um… I guess our economy makes that harder lol) and definitely desire a man who is responsible with the income the Lord provides him, and who works hard to provide, but seriously. When you have seen what God is capable of, ‘money’ isn’t that big of a deal. If we work hard and are responsible, yet our money doesn’t cut it—GOD WILL PROVIDE.
I CANNOT be the only woman out there who knows this and believes this to be true!
Secondly, you said you weren’t the handsomest either. Again. Our culture has messed with so many young women’s minds! L It seems as though if you were truly turned down on looks alone, that that woman wasn’t worth pursuing at that time anyway. 🙁 Turning down a man on looks alone pretty shallow. I know from experience how ‘average’ or ‘not impressive’ looks can be changed to ‘good looking’ or ‘average’ in a woman’s esteem by getting to know the person underneath the looks! The young man in my graduating class (yes, the one) was rather pudgy before highschool and wasn’t particularly striking, but once I got to know him for the fun guy he is, suddenly, even his look improved, because I knew him on the whole! And his girlfriend will attest to this!!!!! (And she’s gorgeous and could easily have someone “better looking” by the World’s standards!!) But I ask you: how are you on the whole? Are you in love with the Lord and have a desire to serve Him?
Another angle is that some girls are actually intimidated by Hollywood-stellar “hot” manhood. Some girls honestly find the computer nerd or chemistry geek to be way more attractive! There are some of us way more impressed with a fervent love of God, a thorough knowledge of certain studies/ subjects, or love for the outdoors or something like that, than some ‘tall, dark, and handsome’ guy.
Seriously. 😀
Not making this up.
It sounds to me, from your comment, that you’ve just been placed amongst a group of rather unpolished young ladies! 🙁 These women that “rejected” you, they seem to have their standards set, even unbeknownst to them, by the world, and not by the Bible.
And yes. We are ALL unpolished to some degree. None of us are perfect. Even your wife is going to be irritated with the way you screw on your toothpaste lid too tightly or the way you leave glasses with ice in them sitting on the counters or they way you set your alarm clock so you can purposely snooze it a few times.
But * gasp * you will be irritated with a few of her oddities as well!!! :D:D:D:D:D She may drive you bonkers with the way she constantly leaves the cupboards open, the way she hangs items to air dry on the treadmill, and so on—but you two will love each other by God’s grace beyond all these things!
On the flip side, standards are good! Please don’t expect us to not have (realistic and Godly) ones!!! Just work by God’s grace to be the right one and God will show you your ‘right one’!
But please don’t give up.
Your comment sounded so sad. So defeated. :(:(
DON’T LET SATAN DO THAT TO YOU. Defeat is an ugly place. Trust me. I know 🙁
If your honest desire is to be a husband and a father, decide to be a Godly one. While you’re waiting on God’s timing, work toward that end. Scour God’s Word for how to be the man your wife will need, the father your children will need, and the servant your God can use! And become that servant NOW! Serve in your church or other ministries that you enjoy or feel called to! Serve Jesus!
And tell Him you want to get married. Ask Him to lead you to the right woman. Soon, but in His timing. 😀 Pray, Pray, Pray. And with God’s guidance seek. Seek. You’re the guy. You’re allowed to do the seeking. “Seek and ye shall find.”
Cuz women—even Christian women—aren’t perfect.
But God is.
And He knows which woman is perfect FOR YOU.
Blessings
Your Single Sister.
My husband was in a similar situation before we met. He was 33, and he said none of the ‘church girls’ he knew would even give him a second look. He had few dates over the years, and very nearly gave up, but he always felt God had someone for him. We actually ended up meeting on eharmony. He is very shy, and has a hard time talking to people. He also is on the shorter side (for a man) and balding. Most girls wouldn’t even take the time to get to know him, but to me, he is the best-looking man on earth! He also has an amazing sense of humor, and an incredible mind. Don’t give up hope – you don’t need countless women fawning over you, or chasing after your looks or money, you just need the one who will love you for who you are, and God can bring that one to you!
Thank-you so much for sharing this! Your post was incredibly encouraging as I continue to wait for the man God has for me to marry.
What a beautiful post. I feel so blessed, as well, to know that true love does exist. 🙂
Thank you so much. Please be encouraged ladies. Prince Charming’s do exist. I have one. I didn’t wait and found all the prince-wannabees but the Lord sent me the true prince when I was 27. I can assure you that he will have a big medal in heaven for putting up with broken me! God is so good!!! During the hard times, Jesus is our Prince who loves us unconditionally and a man who loves Jesus will love you as you deserve. I pray almost daily for a dear friend who is 38 and my sister who is 39 and are both waiting somewhat patiently for their true loves. It really is worth the wait. 16 years and 6 children later – it hasn’t been easy but my man is definitely my prince charming. Yes, they do exist!!
Praise the Lord!
Caroline,
Thank you so much for sharing this! I am 17 years old, and I can say that it is so important for my generation to have examples like you to look to when our time comes! I love poring over your blog, and I am excited for what God has in store for me in the future and if He may have marriage and children in mind, and I am learning contentment as I wait and serve the Lord in my youth. You have been an encouragement and a great example. So many young christian women these days think that they are doomed if they are not married by their 18th birthday, or at least see their prince on the horizon. Your sister is a great example of waiting on the Lord! I am reading the book by Jasmine Baucham, “Joyfully at Home”. My sisters and I have been so blessed by this book! We also love, “Before You Meet Prince Charming” by Sarah Mally. These are both great resources for young ladies! I am in preparation to begin leading a Bright Lights group. Have you heard of Bright Lights? Sarah Mally is the founder of it.
Anyway, thank you for your great post, Caroline. Yes, you were right, you do have young, unmarried followers of your blog! Thank you so much for reaching out to us!
You are a blessing!
Wow, so many truths in your article. My parents were miserable, confused, and angry – the example that was set for me was not a good one on any level. I always wished for happy parents. It would have made such a difference, not just to my childhood, but to my entire life and all my adult relationships.
O! MY! SOUL! That video was AMAZING. PHENOMENAL. wow. praise God. I’m 20 yrs old and a single daughter-at-home… but wow. I hope, by God’s grace, I have this someday! <3
Beautiful post! 🙂 I have been married for three years to my wonderful husband, 🙂 we have three children and I am blessed more than I ever deserved!
Thanks for posting! I am 30 years old… And still did not find my prince charming.. I am waiting for him, and praying for him to come! I want so badly a husband and kids… But God knows it! Thanks for youre encourgement! (sorry I am not from America so my english writing is not perfect!)
Thank you for this encouraging post. We have a daughter who is 33 years old and would love to be married, but is content to wait for her prince. I guess I’m more impatient than she is…after all, her eggs are dying don’t you know! I pray for godly husbands not only for her but for the many wonderful young ladies whom I know personally and those who read this post. Wait patiently on the Lord’s timing!
What a delightful Valentine! You do have a reward from God. 🙂
BTW, kudos on the 5 nine and under: I think we’re through the most exhausting (unless twins come someday…).
I really appreciate your message of not settling for any-old guy. The idea of demeaning ourselves that way is not something God wants of his daughters when they have any choice!
The only concern I have is using the word “wait” because of its passivity. My parents and I actively sought out a man of God would would treat me like a princess when there wasn’t a single guy in the local pond who fit the description.
I’ve known a number of ladies who sat in their towers for decades just “waiting.” Many of them were not too happy about having no homes and families of their own.
I don’t think there’s one “right” way to find a husband, but sometimes I know God has us do something proactive. 😀
A lovely post, indeed. It’s so hard to see a young lady in our church settling for an unbeliever, trying to convince us that it might be God’s will, because she is tired of waiting. We just pray!
And I love how you called the rough times “thunderclouds.” Very fitting.
Yes Yes Yes. I agree with your Post. Charming Princes to exist. I thought I would never get married. And Then God put a Lovely match for me. I was in Brazil and He was in USA. We met online, after 4 months he flew to Brazil and we got engaged and exactly 364 days after we met online we got married with his uncle being the officer of the marriage ( the same uncle whom prophecise over his life that he would marry, and after 6 years that I got a prophecy that my future husband would come from far away). I confess I doubt, but God proved his faithfulness and I am happily married to the best man ever. My dream came true!
I loved this post, Caroline! I have many young friends who are still waiting, and I’m sure this post would really encourage them. And the video your husband made for you is so sweet! ♥
That video had me teary eyed! May God continue to bless you two!
Very good post, Caroline! God always knows best!
And you never know what exactly is that you’re waiting for. (The reason for the wait, I mean.) My husband is 9-1/2 years older than I am. We married when I was 20, which means that *I* didn’t have wait too long – but it was a long, discouraging wait for him. In hindsight, he knows that HE couldn’t have married at 20 – I wasn’t ready yet! But in the meantime, I know there were times when he wondered if God had forgotten about him.
This is so beautiful! I was one that had to wait for my Prince Charming. I was 35 when we married, and we both had people that told us we would not find each other, and we should ‘settle’. We each had made a commitment to keep ourselves pure, and hoped to find the same in a spouse. We have been so blessed in our marriage because we did this! I came close to marrying another man years earlier, and looking back, I am so glad I waited for my husband, because he truly treats me like a princess! He opens doors for me, he prays for me, and literally would do anything I asked him too (I don’t abuse that or take it lightly!) If you are waiting, the best thing I can say to you is – keep waiting and trusting! It is one of the best decisions you will ever make.