Are You Parenting From Fear Or Faith?
Parenting is tough in today’s world. We have so many things we want to protect our children from, and the desire to shield them from the evil of the world is truly a noble and worthwhile endeavor. Indeed we are called to do this.
“Be ye in the world but not of it.”
I’ve found myself pondering why I parent lately. The same question keeps coming back to me over and over again.
Am I parenting from fear or from faith?
Do I shelter my children because I’m walking with God and know what my child can handle at this point, or do I shelter them because I can’t handle to ever expose them to any of the evils, and it’s just easier to hide them?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for sheltering my children. I homeschool my children because I don’t want to expose them to public school and all it teaches (I know other Christian families make it through, it’s just our decision!). However I’ve seen so much fear in the homeschool world that I’ve grown up in.
Parents fear if they give their child an inch of knowledge, they will run with it and go the way of the world.
It’s not always the case.
We need to protect our children because we want to make them stronger for the Lord’s army, not to simply hide them away until they turn 18. The knowledge needs to be slowly given to them over time, and they need a chance to turn away from sin while you are still with them.
I learned that hiding the sins of the world does not mean it won’t come into your household. My parents never talked to us about homosexuality. Believe it or not, I was 16 when I really found out what it was and it was through a very painful way.
I’ve seen so many tragic incidents where parents sheltered their children so much that they never truly grew up. They seemed to live in a sheltered life even once they reached adulthood, and never grasped the concept of what being an adult was all about.
How can you figure out what type of parenting you are walking in?
Ask yourself these questions:
Are you fearful of your child ever hearing a song you don’t approve of, learning about something bad that happened in the world, or of them hearing of a teenage pregnancy, in case they start to think about such things?
Or do you prayerfully sit down and discuss these heavier topics with your children when the situations arises, and pray that they understand and choose to follow the right path?
Do you recognize that your child will grow up to have their own agency, and they must decide what path they will continue to walk on?
Or do you try to micro-manage every situation, even when they are teenagers so you can control what they know?
Our oldest is only 13, but so far we have had to have lots of talks with all our children about adultery (ouch, that one was hard and handled delicately), homosexuality (again, handled on a child’s level, but very honestly), pornography (we really never used that word, we just talked about how there are bad pictures out there that you have to instantly look away from), and the list goes on.
Children need to know that sin abounds, because they need to know of their greet need of a Savior. Again, I’m not saying to go overboard and make them aware of things on an adult level. Not at all! Our children can find Sean and I talking behind closed doors many times, because the topic is not for their ears. But you can’t hide all the evil in the world, and instead of parenting through fearfulness, choose to walk in faith, knowing that God is gently calling your child to Him. Pray that your child will respond to that call and choose the right path to walk on.
Let go of the ungodly fear that comes knocking on your heart as you parent. Keep the godly fear in your heart, the fear of sin, and teach your child to reject evil. Without any knowledge of evil, how will they know what to reject?
Agree completely! My parents never discussed pregnancy out of wedlock, ect…but we feel like it is much better to thoroughly educate our kids on real issues. The Bible isn’t silent on them, why should we be?
Yes! I totally agree!
My husband and I have 5 children and the oldest is just 6, so not many of these hard topics have come up in our household yet (nor should they, although our 6 year old has recently asked a few questions we’ve had to answer). Raising children is a hard (but important) job!
I recently read these two books and they were quite excellent:
https://www.amazon.com/Simplicity-Parenting-Extraordinary-Calmer-Happier/dp/0345507983
https://www.amazon.com/Advice-Worth-Ignoring-Tuning-Experts/dp/1632531321
I highly recommend both of these books.
The first talks about using less to raise happier, calmer children (less junk food, fewer toys, but not just food and toys – the books also talks how to give children less adult information and how to shield and protect children from the adult world and evils in the world until they are emotionally/spiritually/physically ready to handle it.
The second reviews all the “expert” advice parents are bombarded with that tends to not help but only contribute to our “parent guilt” and make us question ourselves.
I am reading another book now: https://www.amazon.com/Discipline-That-Lasts-Lifetime-Best/dp/1569553688/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=QKDCGHC02D606J4ND54H It too is proving to be excellent. I am finding that I am calmer, have less mommy guilt, and I feel more empowered to not worry about what the world thinks and instead focus on cultivating the morals and qualities my husband and I know we want to instill in our children.
Thank you so much for this!! Just what I needed ☺
Thank you so much for this post! I read this yesterday and it has been a blessing to me. I homeschool my two girls and do what I can to protect them from the world. Last night at our church, an unsaved visiting child sat next to my daughter and showed her an obscene hand gesture before an adult teacher caught what was happening. In addition, the child used some extremely innapropriate words that raised questions in my young daughter’s mind. Of course, I am mortified this happened. It proves the point that although a parent can try their best to create an atmosphere that is 100 percent free from sin, we do live in a sinful world and the devil will do whatever he can to reach our children.
I remembered your post that ironically I read yesterday and reminded myself that this is a situation that requires parenting from faith. Even though I have explained to my daughter that this was an extremely innapropriate thing that was bad and needs to be forgotten/not dwelled on, I am trusting the Lord to work in her young mind and cause her not to dwell on what she was shown. Being a parent is certainly a tough thing! Thankfully, we have the Lord that we can commit these things to when they occur!
I’m so sorry that happened! I know it’s so easy to think that homeschooling will protect them from everything, I fall into that thinking myself. I’m glad that teachers were able to catch it and that you know, so you can address it. ((hugs))
I would also encourage you as someone who was homeschooled and grew up in that world (and love it dearly) that my parent’s matter-of-fact approach to things such as that made me so much less concerned and allowed me to dwell less on things that were not in accordance with what we believe. I watched a lot of friends have parents made a huge deal out of things they considered “evil” , which caused my friends to be much more attracted to things not of God due to the sheer element of forbiddenness and wrong than if their parents had just matter-of-factly addressed with clarity and honesty, and moved on! Nothing ever protects us from the world (even homeschooling) but wisdom and the Holy Spirit do so much to allow our interactions to be blessings and not damaging! You’ve got this! What a blessing to have the Lord to trust and rely on!