Reasonable Expectations For A Two Year Old

It can be incredibly difficult to create reasonable expectations for a two year old, but it’s vitally important!

Many parents (myself included!) can find it difficult to find the balance for what to expect out of a two year old. We can find ourselves coddling them, not wanting them to grow up and leave the baby stage. Or, we feel like we are under so much stress with trying to keep up with everything that we create unrealistic expectations for them. Both situations are not healthy for our two year old child!

The coddling parent

Did you know that two year olds are incredibly smart? I’m always shocked with how much two year olds pick up on, and that means we can and should expect things out of them!

Here are some things that 2 year olds can do:

Picking up toys

Putting away their laundry

Putting their diapers in the trash can after you change them

Putting away silverware

Learn the words of a hymn (sing hymns in family worship time and they will pick it up!)

Memorize a short scripture verse (here is an old video of Carrianna learning Proverbs 31 when she was two!)

Put their books away in bookshelf

Put away their shoes

Those are just some ideas of what a two year old can do!

When we coddle our child and wait on them hand and foot, we are not setting them up for success. Instead, we are teaching them from the youngest age that they are not capable, and that mommy will do everything for them.

Watch the next video in our series of parenting two year olds below! 

Be consistent and follow through!

It can be so hard to stick with training a two year old, and making those expectations a reality. Yesterday I was busy cleaning and purging in our shop (which currently holds 3/4 of our household belongings still). I told our two year old to pick up her doll stuff and put it in a container. I was very clear about what container I wanted her to put it in, the directions were simple.

Before I knew it, she had wondered off without doing it.

I had to direct her back to the shop two more times before she finally did her job. A few hours later I was cleaning around that area and found a few pieces she had missed that were not right in the pile she picked up. I wasn’t upset, because I knew for a 2 year old, she had picked up her pile that she saw.

Reasonable expectations. Follow through with what you require of them, but don’t require them to do something your 10 year old should do.

Like we talked about in a previous post, your child should not be allowed to whine about everything they do. Whining happens enough without coddling, but when you have a parent who never tells their two year old “no” or creates rules and restrictions for them, you will hear whining day and night.

The Overly Strict Parent

We have all seen that parent.

The one screaming at their child in Walmart, making a scene for everyone around them.

It makes us feel so sorry for that poor child, and for the parent who either doesn’t know any better, or has just emotionally snapped.

But are we being a harsh, overbearing parent in the name of biblical parenting?

When we were first time parents, we were overly zealous. We loved our child so much and desperately wanted him to grow up to love the Lord and be a good, moral young man that it drove us to harsh standards.

If I could get one point across through this whole series, it would be this one thing:

Love on your two year old more than you correct them.

Snuggle them, kiss them, hug them, sing to them, play with them, let them tell you stories (the ones where you can’t understand half of what they say), and heap praises upon them.

Will you have time for correction? Absolutely.

But the correction shouldn’t be the first thought in your heart, or the most commonly used words coming out of your mouth to your two year old.

I know this, because I used to be this way. It’s still tempting to have days where all I see are the bad moments, the correctable moments, and never stop to acknowledge the good moments.

When your child is two, the opportunity to find ways to love and encourage your child are endless. Take advantage of these days to build that relationship. When they grow older you might have days where it’s crazy hard to find one good thing to praise them for. Children go through seasons in life, and some days can be rough!

Do This Instead of That

Don’t correct your child for crying because they are tired – go put them down for a nap!

Don’t become irate because they scribbled on your wall – have them help you scrub the wall off while you say “mommy and daddy work so hard for this house, we need you to help us keep it looking nice!”

Don’t feel like a failure because your two year old isn’t sitting still in church perfectly every single Sunday. It just means you are being patient with them, instead of possibly taking them out every single Sunday and spanking them. I’m not saying to not work with your child, but the majority of your Sunday training should take place at home, and certainly never in the service.

Just when you give up hope, they will start sitting through a whole service! (You can read my post on 5 ways to help your child sit still in church here!)

Don’t constantly say your child is head strong, or stubborn, or difficult, or into everything in front of them. They honestly just might be going through a phase as a two year old and will grow out of it. By you saying it in front of them all the time, you are drilling it into their head that this is how they are.

Sean and I came up with a nick name for one of our more challenging 2 year olds that we had, and called her our Dino Baby. She had no clue why we gave her that nick name, and we still call her that sometimes, years later. If you must give way to frustration, try to create a nick name like that!

Find The Balance

When we are at homeschool conventions with our Character Badges products, it breaks my heart when parents come over and just want to purchase the consequence chart. They are not interested in rewarding their child (and our reward chart is full of things to do with mom and dad, a small part of it is things to buy them!).

Instead, the only light they can see at the end of their dark parenting tunnel is to correct.

Over and over and over again.

We are not anti-correction by any means.

But we also are not anti-rewards.

Find that balance.

Create those reasonable expectations, and enjoy your toddler!