Makeup And The Face Of A Mother {Part 1}
Makeup is a highly personal decision and there are a lot of heart issues involved in wearing it. Some women believe that all makeup turns the woman that’s wearing it into a painted face Jezebel of sorts. You weren’t born with makeup on your face, they reason, so why sully your natural countenance with such stuff?
Other women struggle with being so reliant on it that they can’t bring themselves to leave their house without some makeup on. Still others have grown accustomed to hardly wearing any at all and, as such, can do with or without it.
As for myself, I was well beyond my teens before I started wearing makeup with any regularity. I didn’t wear makeup in high school, though I definitely leaned towards wanting to wear it. The rules were pretty strict in our house so, outside of lip gloss, I just left it alone. As for my sister, she has pale skin, so she always wore blush to avoid looking like she just passed out. 🙂
The first time I started seriously wearing makeup was after I had my third child and the worn-out mom look began to creep onto my face. It was a huge help to boost my look as well as my mood during the day. I still don’t wear lots of makeup and things like eye liner are just not in my normal routine, but I have come to appreciate the positive effect it can have on the way I present myself to others.
Though I often feel weary (i.e. completely exhausted) I feel it is important to try and avoid projecting this to others. Sometimes exhaustion is unavoidable. However, not burdening others with how we feel (besides a few close friends) is, in many cases, a courtesy we owe to others. It’s really not their problem – why should we always come off as the haggard, run-down mom who looks as if she’s near the end of her rope?
Now don’t misunderstand me. I’m not suggesting that makeup is the cure-all for WOMF (worn-out mom face) (Haha! Made that one up!). Lipstick and mascara are not the cosmetic equivalent of downing a Red Bull. Nor am I suggesting that we constantly try to be something we’re not.
The truth is, if you truly feel as if you are constantly hanging on for dear life to the last few inches of your rope, you need a lot more than makeup. However, for the purposes of this post I want to suggest that a constant look of weariness on our face is not a badge of honor. Like it or not, few in this world know how to interpret it correctly. Sure, we’re tired and frazzled and there’s no sense in denying it, but we should be cautious of how we portray this precious life of mothering to those around us.
When others see you, particularly non-believers, what do they see? It takes only a few seconds to form an opinion. They see your children – perhaps a larger number of them than they’re accustomed to seeing. “Got her hands full,” they whisper to themselves. Then they look at you. “How’s she holding up to all this?” they wonder as their eyes immediately turn to your face. And then, dear reader, comes the only fleeting moment you likely will be given to portray what manner of mother you are, and more importantly, if it’s all worth it.
The last thing you want to convey to the onlooker is exasperation. That’s what they fully expect to see, and when they do it only confirms them in their derisive opinion of motherhood. Some mothers have given up trying to “put on a happy face” in public and by so doing they give motherhood a bad name. You don’t have to lie about how trying and tiresome your work can be, but at least you can make an effort tidy yourself up, perhaps put on a little makeup, fix you hair and go out into the incredulous world with a tired but satisfied smile on your face that says you have the best job in the world! Makeup doesn’t make you any less tired inside but it can certainly make you LOOK less tired and that can be something that you owe yourself as much as you owe those around you.
*I wrote the first draft of this post, and my husband added many of his thoughts to this post as well. Just an FYI if you are curious about a man’s perspective on all of this. Of course the most important man’s perspective is that of your husband or father. Part two is coming tomorrow!*
I have blond hair and blue eyes and a fair complexion so a little bit of makeup really helps! A dab of blush, a swipe of mascara, lip gloss, and I’m good to go! 🙂
I wasn’t sure what to expect when I read the title of your post, but I completely agree with you. I am pregnant with our first and I have been pretty determined to make sure I am projecting a good image of pregnancy to those around me.
I know so many people, who don’t have children yet, who are watching me. And I want them to know that having a kid is a blessing from God. Not a burden.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 🙂
I just love this….
I agree. As a young bride, I gave up makeup to try to be more modest. My husband received it with this message, “Now that I have you, I don’t have to try to look good any more. It’s your duty to love me and stay faithful no matter what, so why put out any effort for you.” That’s not what I meant at all, but he suffered. I learned how to apply makeup correctly and even do highlighting and contouring. Not only does it bless my husband, but I feel fabulous too.
Okay Angela – now it’s time to teach me how to highlight and contour. Because I’ve watched videos and just can’t pick it up.
You have done an excellent job in teaching yourself Angela! I am such a visual person, I need to be shown. Thinking a trip to Sephora in the future sounds like fun. 🙂
Well said! Very convicting. Thank you for this post.
I’m sure you considered your words in this post very carefully because it is a very personal decision. I do disagree with you though about needing make up not to look frazzled and worn out. The best thing you can do for your countenance is to smile. Our attitude is what makes our faces attractive or not, not make up. Even the most beautiful make up job will not make you look pretty if you are scowling and frowning. Yes, we get tired as mothers, we get exhausted but that does not give us an excuse to let our attitudes be bad. Our loving, kind, gracious attitude is what will draw others to Christ and to look at motherhood as a blessing, not lipstick and blush.
I also think it is important for us to submit to our husband in this area, very important. However, if he is okay with us not wearing makeup then we really should consider who we are trying to impress. It isn’t God, He made our faces just the way they are.
Yes, totally agree Rashel!
Very well put. I used to be anti-makeup, but that was before kids. lol
Actually the reason I wear it is because my face is very red and covered in acne. Not pretty. It’s embarrassing going without. Call it vain, if you will, but if you were in my shoes, you’d wear makeup, too! When your kids (and other’s kids) ask you why your face is red, and that you need to put on makeup, believe me, it’s necessary.
Some of us need to cover blemishes, some might need mascara to brighten up the eyes, some might need some blush or lip color to not look pale. I’ve learned that looking nice is different than caking on fake-looking makeup!
Iyss, I am/was in the same boat as you. I struggled with redness and acne too and always felt the need to have some kind of foundation or powder on my face. Maybe others didn’t think it was a big deal, but it made a world of difference to me. I finally found a great skincare line through this blog (L’Bri) that have calmed my skin tremendously to the point of people in church noticing and asking what I use. I think when I finally quit putting all of those chemicals-believe me, I tried every product out there for acne!-on my face and used natural products, my skin began clearing and it has stayed clear. The bottles are huge and have lasted me months! Now I can actually go out for the first time in probably a decade without any makeup on, and no longer feel embarrassed. I still like to wear a little mascara, lip gloss and powder most days, and my husband likes that as well.
Glad to know I’m not alone…sometimes I sure feel like it! I admit I’m a little intrigued by L’bri. I’ve seen it before, but I’m leery of trying anything new, as nothing seems to ever work! And especially at those prices! I know they’re touted as “natural”, but they sure have a lot of long ingredients, so I was unsure as to how natural they actually are.?
Which are the products that you use? And do you have oily skin? It’s confusing that my face is also very dry, along with being very broken out. Acne products are usually made to help dry up oily skin. But I need moisture! My skin is so dry it’s flaky. “Combination skin” means dry in areas and oily in areas, but mine is acne all over and dry all over! I never know what to do with it…
What I did was ordered a sample kit through the link on this blog which let me try the items for about 2 weeks. I think you have to register an account first and then it will explain the different products. I use the deep pore cleanser, deep pore freshener and the aloe Vera jelly as my moisturizer. I also use the rejuvenating facial peel, which is amazing for exfoliating and the KlearAway, which has 10% salicylic acid. Their shower gels are excellent as well as the body butters, which all smell beautiful. I play piano/organ for church and with all of the cleaning/cooking I do, my hands will split and get very dry. The body butter has healed my dry skin completely! I know it’s frustrating… Acne and dry skin at the same time… Ugh. I too, have oily skin that also gets dry in areas, especially now in wintertime. I’d like to try the oil free moisture with SPF, maybe this summer. Buy the aloe jelly itself really is great for moisture and the redness. I also use the clarifying mask 1-2 times weekly. It doesn’t dry to a crust like others, and your pores look smaller… Yay! As far as the price, I was hesitant at first too. The sample kit is the way to go to try the products first. From there I added others. I have yet to need to replenish one thing in the several months I’ve has them because they last forever. And now that I found something that works, I’m not losing money buying other things that never end up working anyway! My husband actually first treated me to these products as a gift, and I’ve really enjoyed the line. I still get an occasional breakout, but they’re more mild and clear up much faster now. The key is to be consistent with the products. Best wishes to you and to finding something that works! Hang in there… I know how hard it is. I can remember feeling so embarrassed when my 4-year-old girl asked why I had bumps on my face 🙁 So yes, always remember you aren’t alone in this!
Thanks for sharing all your ideas! I was really encouraged hearing from all my L’BRI customers throughout this series! I’m so happy the products are working so well for everyone!!
This is a great subject; thank you for writing about this! I started wearing makeup in my late teens. I have freckles and I was really self-conscious about them and thought I needed makeup to “smooth out” my complexion. I had met my future husband and we were engaged when he first told me, “I don’t think you need it…I think you’d look pretty without it.” I was taken off guard by that! I didn’t think guys liked it when girls wore no makeup! After we were married and he brought it up a few more times, I tried not wearing it for a couple weeks. It was_so_hard! I had become dependent on it and didn’t think I was pretty without it. I felt like a wife who wasn’t “put together”. I felt self-conscious around all my friends. I felt like I had a tired, run down look. Then, something changed…I felt liberated, in a way. I was no longer dependent on a bottle to feel pretty. My husband was happy and said I was prettier without it and that he liked it when I didn’t wear any. I One day at a picnic with some church friends, a couple of my girl friends were discussing makeup and recommending such-and-such a brand and I said, “Oh it sounds really good but I don’t wear makeup anymore.” They were both completely surprised – they said, “Wait…you’re not wearing any right now? It looks like you are!” It felt great knowing hey, if even my friends can’t tell I’m not wearing any, how would a stranger in the grocery store know I’m not wearing any? It boosted my confidence and my resolve not to continue not to wear any.
I like what Rashel, above, had to say, too. A smile goes a long way. I need to keep that in mind, especially when I’m tired or feeling stressed. What you said about your countenance perhaps being the one thing that people take away from, “Wow she’s got her hands full…how is she holding up? Is it worth it?” – that is SO important to remember! We have three boys (ages 3, 2, and 1) and I’m due with #4 in March – and yes, it is SO worth it. 🙂
I should add…my husband did not demand that I stop wearing makeup. He didn’t ask me to throw it out. He never said, “You should be submissive – do what I want.” He was sweetly encouraging and only gave me what his preference was. He gave me the confidence to give going makeup-less a try. I’m so glad I did! Now, that said, I am not against makeup and I certainly have no problem with anything you said in your post. 🙂 I’m just sharing my personal experience. I don’t wear makeup because first, my husband likes it when I don’t (and he’s the one I’m aiming to please, right?!); and, second, now that I have given going makeup-less a try, I find my skin is really healthy and most people can’t tell that I’m not wearing any. Saves money, time, and chemicals all over my skin. 😉 Now I’m a huge fan of honey, coconut oil, and essential oil for beauty/hair/skin uses!
God bless all you lovely ladies!
Part two that is being published tomorrow is talking about our countenances, and I totally agree with what you said! I don’t think every women needs to wear makeup, some look fantastic without anything on!! And like I said at the end of the post, what your husband thinks is most important!!
Love this, Melissa! Completely understand your feeling of liberation. Freedom!!:)
I have just recently become really interested in makeup and learning how to wear it well. For me, it just makes me feel better about myself. I don’t wear it every day and I don’t cake it on, but when going out it makes me feel more confident. And honestly, what’s wrong with that? It’s not like I”m trying to look like Elvira. 😉
My rule of thumb is: If people can tell you’re wearing it, you’re wearing too much. A little powder keeps my oily skin clearer, and a little blush keeps people from inquiring about my health. (I’m pale like your sister.)I can’t imagine spending more than two minutes a day on it. My husband’s preference is for little to no makeup, not so much for the sake of modesty as for being low-maintenance.:)
I really agree with your thoughts, and had a similar path that got me started on wearing make up regularly. It was when I was pregnant with my third, and I was struggling with feeling fat and frumpy, and desperately wanting to change that image/self image, because I loved pregnancy! Wearing some make up made me feel like a new person – it was like polishing up, and I felt pretty and more confident.
Great series topic!
Very well spoken! I’ve enjoyed reading this post as well as the comments :o) make up is not something I have to have, but some days (when I’m exhausted and feeling frazzled especially) a touch of makeup really boosts my appearance AND my countenance. It’s like a little reminder that I AM pretty and that I am important and it actually -on those days- improves my own outlook on being a mother. I’m not saying makeup is THE answer, but I totally agree that it helps!!
I love this post so much!!
I started wearing makeup a few months ago. I never wear anything heavy though.
I have VERY pale skin and freckles- bolth of which I love, but, as many girls pale girls know, we get black circles under our eyes even if we are not necessarily tired, and lack a “healthy” color in our cheeks.
I put my “makeup” routine below.
Recently, I was blessed with a Josie Maran gift set including argan milk, argan oil, pink argan oil (for lips and cheeks), and argan tinted sunblock. Let me tell you it works fabulously(:
It is so perfect for girls who don’t want to wear makeup, but still want to feel “put together”, plus it is completely natural and super good for your skin!
In addition I wear under eye concealer, a small amount of blush, some light eyeshadow from Redeeming Beauty (Marshmallow and sugar cookie), and some lip liner (that matches my lip color). I don’t wear mascara, eyeliner, or foundation.
No one can even tell that I am wearing makeup, besides to tell me that I look well rested and healthy!
My convictions about makeup are like for clothes, when worn right it can be totally modest 🙂
Remember, God has already given us the most unbelievable makeup, that special smile that he gave only us Christians to wear, so people can see the love of Christ in us. So often we forget to wear it, and no amount of makeup will make us as beautiful as that does. God is so Amazing!!
Thank you Caroline!! I can only imagine how much time you put into this blog, and it truly blesses me every time that I read a post you wrote.
Never be discouraged when you read a comment that is unkind or rude, I know God has used you to touch and encourage so many women everyday!
Have a Merry Christmas!!
Great post! I started wearing makeup when I turned a teen. Now, that I’m older, it’s a little more of a necessity because of dark circles, etc. I try to keep my makeup natural looking and a simple 5 minute routine. After 14 years of marriage, my husband has said that I have never looked more beautiful.
I found this post really helpful. When I went for Lina Cameron for my brother’s wedding makeover , she used some of this brand’s makeup on me and those suit me really well.I was also having some skin troubles, she helped me about them too! I am really thankful to her for this. Moreover, my sister took her makeup course from her, she trains best make-up lessons in my town and she is really caring and helpful! <3
I find it interesting and perplexing when religious people consider the performing of societally-defined “femininity” (i.e. beyond what we are born with) as in keeping with modesty or even as representing duty and respect to their mate and community.
I can speak to the following concern, not being a Christian myself: “When others see you, particularly non-believers, what do they see?” Honestly, when I see a woman wearing makeup, unless it is clearly a creative outlet, I assume she is insecure and feels a sort of competitive peer pressure to be “prettier” (as society defines “pretty”) than she believes herself to be. Skirting the vanity issue by reasoning that makeup makes a mother look happier is not any better. It makes me sad that any mother would feel pressure to pretend her life is something other than it is, and it is exactly that which makes women despair and feel like failures because they are being led to believe that others are having an easier time than they are. Dishonesty is toxic and oppressive. Whenever I suspect this is what someone is doing, it does create a sense that they are not genuine or secure in their choices.
I think perhaps you are not giving people enough credit. When I think about what makes my heart swell at the wonderfulness of motherhood, it’s not because of how put-together and pretty the mother looks or how perfectly behaved her young children are. In fact, when I see that sort of thing, usually it’s just the opposite: I’m skeptical about whether love was really involved in achieving it. Rather, it’s how she behaves with her children and how they respond to her that draws my attention and communicates the value in motherhood to me. She can be tired and flustered and her kids can be dirty and loud, and if she is speaking gently to them and taking care of their needs and there is clearly love happening between them, that is all I need to see to know what a beautiful and rewarding thing motherhood can be.