Why I Don’t Publicly Share My Due Date
I’m one of those crazy moms that probably drive you batty. If you ask me when my due date is, I won’t be telling you. 🙂
When it comes to giving birth, women have many different ways of approaching it. There is not a right or wrong way. There are some women who have no problem having a whole room full of people or sending out a massive group text asking for prayers because they are in labor.
You have the bloggers who send out updates on FB as they are in labor, and instantly are sharing pictures 5 minutes after the birth.
And then you have people like me. Super private, ultra protective about their due dates kind of people. Right now the only people that know my actual due date for sure is my midwife and my sister, who comes to my births. My husband keeps forgetting, and I jokingly told him I’ll just inform him when we get close. (I have told him, he just has so much going on he can’t remember it!).
Some of the common reasons I see women not sharing due dates are:
It’s just an approximate date.
The chances of women delivering on their actual date are small. Some women have a pattern of going early or late, depending on their body and how their cycles are. Not every women ovulates at the same time. Some come early and others always ovulate later. Knowing your body and your cycle pattern is extremely helpful for all the changing seasons of your life. The book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” is a great read to help you start learning more about your cycles.
They want to be left alone!
They don’t want to be called, texted, and messaged the entire week of their due date, or for the following days or weeks if they go over their date. Few things are as frustrating as going over your due date and receiving a huge amount of advice as to what you should do about it!
Surprised instead of being informed!
They like to surprise people! Instead of informing people of absolutely every detail, they just prefer to make the phone call when the baby is here.
My reasons why…
For me, I like to labor in private. We have had all five of our babies at home with a midwife, and our birth experiences have been very positive. With our first baby it was just Sean and I, and the midwife showed up about an hour before our son was born. I’m not sure she would have even made it in time, but thankfully they called to check on me and could tell by my voice how far along I really was. I honestly had no clue I was so close to the end!
With the last four babies my sister has been here with us. She normally gets here before the midwife and goes to the kitchen and quietly starts making my normal after labor snack (you can find the recipe for Putter Fingers here), and leaves me alone unless I call her to be with me. She totally understands my need for privacy and I don’t have to worry about her wanting to chat with me.
Sean sits beside me, holds my hand, and quietly talks with me when I want it. He normally makes one good joke during each labor, and behaves himself during the rest. 😉 He is an awesome birth coach, and never leaves my side or stops giving me support.
My midwife is very good about reading my moods, and twice now has left my house just to give me some space to labor. She never goes far, because she knows I’ll be calling her soon. I don’t like feeling like a watched pot, and I can stay pretty calm when it’s just Sean and I.
Besides wanting to labor in privacy, a huge factor in why I don’t share my due date is because I’m one of those unusual ladies who actually has babies on her due dates! Three of my five children so far have come on my due date. One came three weeks early (lots of pre-term labor issues with that pregnancy) and one came 2-3 weeks late! At this point I just tell people my due date is at the end of March, and you won’t get more than that out of me. Who knows, it might be April!
I tend to get really hormonal during my third trimester of pregnancy, and even get really quiet with my husband and struggle with just wanting to be left alone. So for my personality, it makes sense for me to not share my due date and just let everyone be surprised when the baby comes. Like I said earlier though, there is no right or wrong way!
Now I’m super curious, do you share your due date or just give approximate dates?
I’m a no-due-date kind of woman too! Ditto to everything you just said!! Thank you for sharing.
I wish I knew this 12 yrs ago. It’s funny how I never thought I was a choice. Lol but I would be a don’t tell. I am the same at the end! I get very emotional and tired of your still pregnant! Or you sure you don’t have twins. I smile and laugh but inside I am crying or screaming. This last child I just had I was way more emotional. My loving husband took over for me and answering text and questions. but it was still hard.thanks for this. If God bless us with more I will not tell. I know we will have some mad family members.
I really like how you don’t allow culture or social pressure to dictate what you do…. Gotta love independent thinkers! God bless you in your upcoming birth:)
I’m a CPM, and I try to convince clients not to give out their due dates because people can view them as “expiration dates”, as in, it’s bad after that! I don’t tell for all the reasons you mentioned, I want peace.
This is so great! I don’t do well emotionally at the end, either. I tried not telling with my third because my kids always come “late” and I loathe people saying, “you’re still here?!?” when they know the date has come and gone. I also hate people asking about my cervix toward the end. It’s usually another lady, but she’ll say something like “what did the doctor say?” and I want to shout “doctors don’t know squat about when babies are coming! My midwife says babies always come! And you realize you’re asking me about my private parts, yes?”
Like I said, I don’t do well at the end
LOL! We women can struggle staying calm at the end of pregnancy. 🙂
With my third child we only shared our name choice with just a few people. I wanted to keep it to myself, a part of surprise for people when they first saw her. If I have another child, I will not find out the gender. I did that with my first and loved it!
With our daughter, we told everyone our due date. Then she was born five weeks early! So if I could go back in time, I would’ve kept it secret. It was nice to have everyone’s prayers and help, yet it was a little overwhelming too. All this baby talk makes me hope and pray for another. I have a medical condition that makes it difficult to get pregnant and carry a baby to term, so right now I only have my 4-year-old daughter. Trying to be content with what God gave us, but it’s hard sometimes. Since I’m not nearly as busy as other mamas, we are really active in our church and help out other families with lots of children and elderly people with cleaning, cooking, helping moms when they just need a break, etc. My daughter loves helping by my side and she usually gets social interaction too, which is great. My husband doesn’t wish to adopt, so we keep praying to be content and maybe one day we’ll be able to have another, if God decides 🙂
Praying God sends you another blessing! That is great that you can be a blessing to your church!
Interesting! I could do this, but my husband is an all-in-the-open kinda guy, and I’ve honestly never thought of this as an option. I, too, dislike the constant questions. I’ve always sworn I’d never be induced (I haven’t been) and want to enjoy my pregnancies as much as I can each day, but it’s hard when you’re constantly bothered about how miserable you must feel getting so close to the due date and yada yada. I’ve never gone over my die date, thankfully, but in a super private person and i think I’d almost be okay going back a century or two and being shut up in my house and seeing on one until my baby was a few weeks old.
I share my due date, but I learned the hard way the first time when I was induced at the hospital that people will just invite themselves to your labor! I have bad memories from labor and the first day postpartum of being overcrowded by people who tried to make my birth about them. I hate to say I have to be “mean” but I guess that is how it comes off when I am assertively informing someone that the birth and immediate postpartum is to be enjoyed by the people who made the baby. (due with my 2nd in August and as you can tell I’m a bit hormonal and riled up about this subject as well! haha)
We tell sorta I’m currently due with baby number 4 ( early May 🙂 )and 2 of my babies have been born on due date and 1 the day after 🙂
We shared ours, and then updated when the induction date was picked. Both of ours were induced so my husband could be there for the births. Both times he was due to fly out of the country when our babies were due….so both we induced a few days early. If I were to do it all again….not happening at my age, lol…..I think I’d like the no due date broadcast. We were blessed that we were never hounded by friends or family on how my pregnancy was going, etc. It was almost as if I wasn’t preg, lol.
We just found out we are pregnant with our 5th baby. People began asking how far along we were, but we haven’t even seen the doctor yet. Many people in my family are upset because we are having another one, and won’t even say congratulations or anything. I think this time we will just keep it to ourselves. They don’t want to hear about it, and that’s their problem. It makes me sad though because we see the blessing, and they see the burden.
I’m sorry people are upset about it. :/ I’m thankful my immediate family responds positively!
I also usually just say a month….I’m always about 2 weeks early anyway. 🙂
I tell people my due date this way: “It’s May 6th, give or take a couple of weeks;-)”
I prefer privacy during labor also, I have home births; I turn my phone on silent, my husband will text our parents, but that’s it.
I remember with our first home birth we had someone call and leave a long message right when I was in the final pushing stage. 🙂
With my third I’d tell people I was due February 24th, but I was hoping for a Leap Year baby. People would look at me like I was crazy for wanting to go five days ‘late’…but seeing as how he was born March 7th it’s understandable now. 🙂 I would, after my first, give the due date and then add that it’d probably be two weeks later because it should be a ‘due month’ and I’m not actually over due for two weeks past the ‘due date’. 🙂
I didn’t know it was an option till you posted about it last year..which happened to be perfect timing :). I had two babies three weeks early and then one 2 days early..the well meaning questions and due date reminders for that pregnancy were almost more than I could bear. I’ve been pretty selective this time.
With our first I told. With our triplets, it was not even gonna happen. With our #5 I give them a week after or the end of June. I just know that there is no way a certain date with happen.
Triplets, wow! 🙂
Yep, I don’t tell people either. I did with my first, and from 38 weeks on, all I heard was, “You don’t have a baby yet?!” “When are you going to induce?” “You shouldn’t be here, you should be home with a baby right now” and etc… Also, my HUSBAND, no less, was asked about the condition of my cervix. Ummm??? Can anyone say, “Awkward”?! It doesn’t help that all pregnancy related words kind of freak him out. I may have giggled a little bit. But, seriously? That is asking for a little too much info. Anyway, I don’t like going through that whole routine, so I quit telling everyone.
I do feel that the need for privacy and the desire to retreat into your ‘hole’ and focus inward at the end of pregnancy is a very natural one, and useful – at least for me – as I focus on the task ahead, and on preparing for life after sleep – I mean, Baby 🙂
From all the comments I think the need to retreat and be private is more common than I realized!
I don’t care at all if people know- to me, it seems a silly detail to be so obsessed about. People are excited when they find out you’re having a baby, so you could give them something, big deal. They already have to wait for the sex and the name. I too am a private person about birth, etc. I don’t want any visitors or family around except for my husband. I don’t post my pregnancies on social media. I also had one of my babies 10 weeks early, still didnt care that people knew my due date. I know everyone is different, but I’m sorry, that’s just so silly. I’ve never known anyone to keep it a secret.
I guess that is the what makes the world interesting, we are all different! 🙂
I don’t tell. I usually go over and hate the comments. This is my sixth. I give a general idea. For instance, mid September. Though I’ll probably start saying second half of September. Then they won’t bother me till October! 🙂
I just had my fourth baby a few months ago, and one thing I would like to add is that as moms of larger families, we have a unique platform. I take my children with me everywhere I go and will often receive the usual comments – “how do you handle all those kids?” or “you have your hands full” and my personal favorite – the last time I took all of them to Costco during the Christmas season a lady said “are you crazy!?!” I also got the same typical pregnancy questions. But here’s the deal – this is a perfect, God-given opportunity to act like Jesus – to take all the comments, all the questions, all the stares and show the world that YES we do value children. Each and every one of them. But we also value people. Let’s not make having larger families something that separates us in a bad way from others. Especially those who are interested and ask questions! I totally understand the need for privacy. But let’s not take it too far to where people don’t feel comfortable approaching us! I can imagine many of the people I know that do not have the same value for children and families – they would be very turned off if I responded in this way.
I’ve never felt like I offended people that ask when I’m due when I’m out and about. I just smile, say the month and say we are excited to have another one! I love talking about having another baby and try to share my excitement with others. This can easily be done without sharing an actual due date. 🙂
Due date: public
Gender: public
Name: private until birth because I don’t want to hear anyone’s opinion of my chosen names
That’s me too, but the reason we’re not telling names anymore is I’ve had someone who complained they had dibbs on every name I’ve announced. I’m tired of pouring heart and soul into name picking only to be guilt tripped out of my name as soon as it’s announced. So from now on, the name is announced when the baby is born.
I have had only two births to experience so far, and, although I am a private person, I didn’t mind telling the date to others. And, God was sweet in that He allowed our fist son born on my own birthday, which was about the right due date. Then our second was born a day or two after his due date, which turned out to be two days after my first son’s and my birthday. Son number two was born on my brother’s birthday! 😀 God is good!
Oh, yes. At the time of the birth, I did tell the gender, but put in “Well, God may have other plans”. Years ago, my nephew was expected to be a girl.
I can certainly understand doing this because the amount of questions towards the end is crazy! I give out my calculated due date which is always later than the midwives and I have still been late, 4, 7 and 12 days. I don’t mind sharing the due date, I figure even if I said the end of X month that would still mean the questions would start as soon as the next month started. Personally most of my friends and family have a “babies come when they are ready” attitude so it’s not too tough on me. I’ve seen friends go through it though and it is so stressful, I think it causes some women to cave and get induced unnecessarily. I am way more offended by people asking about actually HAVING kids. First we dealt with infertility for 4 years and now, after having 3 kids under 2 (all singles) we are wrestling with how to proceed/birth control moral struggles/whether we should try to control our family size etc. It is pretty hurtful to hear “you’re done now, right?” Not sure why people think such personal topics are open for public discussion.
Yeah, it’s annoying when people say you should just ‘go on the Pill’ seriously it’s no one’s business if I don’t want hormonal birth control in my body. I had moral concerns about the Pill, and tried Depo-Provera. The Depo works great, but it also made me very moody with my husband. So I ditched it and don’t really miss it.
You do know that Depro uses a synthetic hormone, right? Same ingredients as “The Pill” but different method of administration. If you’re concerned about hormonal birth control, but still want some input as to when you become pregnant, talk to your GYN or NP.
I should have kept my due date vague. I was 2 weeks “overdue” with my 2nd child and 11 days with my 3rd. Both times I got so sick of everyone’s comments, that I felt like biting heads off or screaming. My 3rd baby was 9.5 lbs and people started asking 2 months ahead of time if I was almost ready to pop! Grrr! So maybe keeping the due date a secret wouldn’t have helped. Than there are the constant “boy or girl?” questions. we’ve never found out gender because we like to be surprised. When people asked “what are you having?” I was tempted to say something like “we’re hoping for a hippopotamus or pony.”
When we had our first baby last march we chose to have him at home. No one supported us, we decided to keep the due date a secret but somehow it got out. I was 2 weeks late and got bothered the whole time and it stressed me out. Mostly from my mother in law who was a nurse and wanted me to change my whole plan and go to the hospital. I dont plan on sharing the due date of our next baby and hope it wont get out again! He was and still is the healthiest baby(:
This is a very interesting set of comments to read – you seem to have touched a nerve! I’m single, so no experience in the pregnancy department. I’m actually surprised people say so many thoughtless things.
I give an approximate date to everyone but my mother. She has had 10 of her own so knows that babies come on their own time. I get so tired of the questions and comments. My babies (I have 5) knew when they were ready to meet their mom and dad.
Nope – I’m super private like you are. I even ban my family from posting information on FB until at least 24 hours afterwards. 🙂
I have never been comfortable giving out my due dates, but I’ve never thought about why. I don’t mind saying the month, but the date is hard. Firstly because I don’t believe in due dates, we’re due when we’re due, not when the date is due. Secondly because of privacy, and pregnancy grumpiness probably has something to do with it too. Thanks for making me think! And be more comfortable not telling people if we happen to have another baby. (And your births sound wonderful!)
I share it and I wish more moms who let baby come when baby is ready would share, to change this cultural perception people have that a due date is more of an expiration date and that all babies who aren’t born by their due date “never would have come out” without induction or c-section. I am flabbergasted at the number of women I’ve seen/heard saying things like that their body doesn’t know how to go into labor!! That is like saying your body doesn’t know how to sneeze. If there really is such a thing, it is truly rare and 99% of the many who claim it are misinformed. And impatient, or have been brainwashed into believing their body is somehow defective. I know going “overdue” stinks but if we choose not to wait, let’s be honest about it. “I was losing my mind, my doctor was going on vacation, I had health complications, the baby was in danger, I was in so much pain… So I had an induction!” NOT “I always have to schedule an induction because my body doesn’t know how to go into labor!” So I wish more natural minded moms WOULD share and then would be bold about telling people who keep asking, “No, I haven’t had the baby yet. Babies aren’t really like buns in the oven, set the timer for 9 months and then you can take them out! They are like ripening fruit, some are ready earlier and some later and you won’t know exactly what day they’ll be ready until that day is here!” We could change that part of the collective self-esteem regarding birth that has become convinced that there is actually a high percentage of women whose uteri are just defective and that if one doesn’t give birth by the all-powerful expiration date, it proves that their uterus is a dud.
I think it’s sweet how supportive and “there-for-you” your husband is while you’re in labor. I think that would be huge for me 🙂 Excited for you and your almost-here little one! 🙂
I don’t share my due dates, either. I tend to be early, and honestly, I don’t want people obsessing over something that is totally not their business! Lol
I share the due date but usually opt for saying “mid-March”, because babies come when they’re ready and I always tend to go into labor early…our three boys were 5 days early, 9 days early, and 13 days early…so I’m expecting baby #4 (girl!!) to come early to meet mommy & daddy & big brothers.
Our first was born on my birthday and our second was born on my husbands birthday–totally not planned, that’s just what God had in mind!! 🙂 So fun! Our third was born on All Saint’s Day, so pretty neat too.
Currently expecting our fourth boy 🙂 I usually just say “around the end of June,” mostly because I don’t even know what to say exactly. I read “Take Charge of Your Fertility” before this baby was conceived, so I KNOW that my “due date” should be June 21 or 22 (depending on what method of counting you use), because I KNOW exactly when this baby came into existence 🙂 But at my 20 week ultrasound, my measurements showed the baby to be a little big so the doctor changed my due date to June 16. Grr. Annoyed now at the potential that I might go “past my due date” and start feeling pressure to induce. But by this point, with three pregnancies under my belt (haha), I’m pretty comfortable with doing my own thing. None of my other babies went past their “due dates,” so I’m going to let this sweet boy stay cozy as long as he wants to 🙂
In the past I have shared my due date, but not this time! Last baby was 2 weeks “overdue” and I literally had to turn off my phone for a week before the baby came from too many concerned people. So this time, I’m going to give an approximate time that is actually after the due date.
I honestly haven’t ever heard the idea of not telling people your exact due date. This was really interesting to read. I’m curious, I use the NFP book. Do you think that charting has anything to do with the # of your babies being born on their due date, just because you have a better idea of when conception occurred? No worries if you don’t want to answer. It’s been the opposite for me. When I was charting, that baby was born early, with the others, they were born on their due date, but I wasn’t charting.
I also tend to have my babies on their due date or very near there. Aspen is the earliest to come..a whopping 3 days early! lol I don’t share my due date with many mainly because of the incredulous stares I get from people who cannot believe I will ever make it that long. I say something vague like, “this winter” or “near Christmas”. 😉
My first pregnancy was very public. Never doing that again! We had some health concerns with the baby and so many people asked what we did wrong or if we were going to keep “it”. It bugged the crap out of me when people called the baby an it.
Our due date was Christmas but she came early.
When my mother was pregnant with my younger brother (her second child) who is now 22, her due date was August 15th. Her mother, who is originally from Poland and still doesn’t have a perfect grasp of the English language, only understood “august” not “august 15” so on August 1st she started calling every dat to see if the baby was born and if my mother was ok! It didn’t help that she wasn’t too supportive of home-birthing either. Finally after about a week or so, my mother told her, more or less, “I love you. Don’t call me again. I’ll call when the baby is born!”
My brother was born September 21st. And that’s not a typo! People who want to suggest my mother was mistaken about her due date ought to know that she is meticulous about “records” and she KNEW when he was conceived! He just needed to bake a little longer 😉 And for the part that really elicits gasps and shocked expressions … he weighed 12 pounds. He was her easiest labor (out of seven), two hours long and he came out in two pushes. All my life I have heard women gasp and groan over 12 pounds but my mother has said she’ll take them all that size if they’re that easy!
Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a GREAT book. I think all moms should give it to their daughters at a good age…around 16 or so!
I’ve never had kids, PCOS, but I always said if I did get pregnant and go into labor I wouldn’t tell anyone until it was over!
Thanks for sharing this! 🙂
Few days towards my due date now and feeling annoyed with some people bugging me for updates. There are just some people in my life that I am not comfortable sharing every single detail of my pregnancy with! It’s always like, if I share an info, sure there will always be follow up questions! When is the OB visit, what happen and what did the OB says, when will you give birth? (Duh!! I wish I know exactly when!!) et cetera! One question after another!! Can’t they just wait??! Annoying!
Although there are some whom I willingly share my journey with, those people I trust! but the rest, I feel are not really concern, what they want is an info to have something to talk about!
My husband and I own a business. We won’t be getting a normal maternity leave because of taking that much time off together. We really want one day to ourselves. To be able to enjoy our new family. It is very frustrating when our parents didn’t/don’t take our wishes into consideration and tell others our delivery date. We are having a scheduled c-section. What would you do?
I should be a no due date kind of girl…I can’t stand people telling me I won’t make it to my due date. SO ANNOYING!!! My first was born on her due date…I hope this one is too!
This is my first pregnancy and I didn’t want to tell everyone our due date because, for me, it feels like an unnecessary pressure. My friends who have had children told me that people will begin asking “is the baby here yet?!” as soon as you’re near the approx. due date. So I’ve been telling people early spring when they ask. This morning my husband told me that he observes other people seem confused and think it’s strange I’m not saying the date, or a month. I feel a bit silly now-and will just start telling people the month of the birth-but also feel frustrated with the expectation that once pregnant my desire for privacy isn’t enough. I guess I just need some support! Do others feel protective of their due date, too?
It never occurred to me not to share my due date. We ended up being given an induction date, which we shared, but baby came 3 weeks early. I had many of the same concerns as you with privacy, especially since I was trying to do a natural birth and wanted peace and calm, and not wanting that thought that everyone is in the waiting room just waiting on me to have my first baby (33 hours later). We decided to surprise almost everyone, including my in-laws, because they would have been the ones in the waiting room, calling and texting. 3 years later, they still aren’t speaking to us, so…yeah…just make sure your family members aren’t suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder first.
Ah I’ve done exactly the same as you. I’ve been extremely private about my due date and said end of feb. I’m a private person and hate social media however last time I was due with my first baby I trusted a family member with my due date only to find they had plastered it all over Facebook on my due date that I could give birthday at any time! Not to mention they are the sort of person that have every tom dick and harrietta on their friends list. I’ve since left Facebook and as I say not given out this times due date at all. I’ve felt very protective about it after my last experience. I’m pleased to find I’m not the only private mum to be so your article has given me comfort coming to the end of my pregnancy journey so thank you x