Teaching a Two Year Old To Be Obedient

Teaching a two year old to be obedient can start with one simple exercise. But before we dive into that, welcome to our 5 day series on parenting two year olds!

Sean and I are currently parenting our 7th 2 year old, and we thought it might be helpful to share some of the things we have learned along the way. We always like to give this disclaimer, we are not perfect parents! We fail and make mistakes like everyone else, but we have a heart to encourage parents.

First things first…I want to get one thing out of the way.

We are not expecting perfect obedience at two years old.

You might fall into the camp that thinks that’s so obvious – why do I even need to say it? OR, you are shocked that I’m willing to “give in” and admit that.

Let me explain why I feel this way.

17 years ago we had our first child. By 6 months old we thought we saw signs of willfulness in him, and while we loved him dearly, we also were quick to criticize and discipline. We had high expectations, and wanted him to be this perfect two year old and were constantly disappointed that he was not.

Thankfully, God got through to us (my mom very hesitatingly and lovingly talked to us which helped!), and we began to see that we were parenting out a sense of pride. We didn’t want to look bad in front of others, and while we had good desires for our two year old, they were not realistic.

*Watch the video below for our first of 5 part video series on parenting two year olds!*

Obedience Comes Over Time, Not Overnight

Training a two year old is like running a marathon. You start out the race excited, ready to go, and after you start running you ask yourself these questions:

• “Why am I doing this?”
• “Is this ever going to end?”
• “I think I might die, this is so hard!”
• “I’m never going to see the finish line!”

But after you push through all of these doubts, you end up sailing through to the finish line and wish you could do it all over again!

When we hold our precious baby in our arms we are full of hopes and dreams, and feel like that baby can do no wrong.

Then they grow up a little bit, and it starts to get hard, and we begin to lose hope.

In reality, the race has only just begun!

Think of the two year old stage as the deadheading stage of gardening. You are pruning off these dead flower heads in the fall, and in the spring they will blossom and become beautiful. It just takes a little time! The problem is, if you dead head the flower wrong in the fall, you might just kill the whole plant and you won’t see any flowers in the spring.

How we parent our two old really sets the stage for how that child will be the rest of their life. 

If we don’t start teaching our two year old how to obey, we are teaching our child that they don’t have to obey us when they are older. However, if we teach obedience in harshness and frustration, we are establishing a relationship between our child that might continue that way the rest of our lives. You might convince yourself that your child is willful, disobedient, and going to be a difficult child, when in reality they are just a normal curious two year old.

One Simple Requirement To Teach Obedience

I mentioned in this beginning of this post that I had one simple activity that we use to teach obedience to our two year olds. It’s very simple.

We teach them to say “Yes mom” and “Yes Dad” after we tell them to do something. 

You might feel like that surely doesn’t teach obedience, but we have seen over and over again how it helps our little one yield to our authority.

Here is how it works in our home.

We first start asking them to say “Yes Mom” over the simple things.

“Jonny, go through away your diaper in the trash. Say “Yes Mom!”

All of this is done in a very cheerful, loving voice. That’s the goal! You are making it fun and pleasant to start out with. They say “Yes mom” in their little toddler voice, walk to the trash can and throw their diaper away and you clap your hands and cheer for them!

We all wish that every parenting moment was like that, but of course it’s not! 

The child starts screaming and crying, upset that they don’t get their way.

You lovingly, but firmly tell them “you need to calm down and say yes mama!”

They continue to cry and scream, you repeat what you want them to say a few more times.

Keep At It

Stay calm! Stay patient! It’s hard, but so important.

If they won’t yield, stop screaming and say “Yes mom” then we tell them they have to sit on our bed (or the couch, it doesn’t matter) until they finally stop their screaming.

When they finally submit to you and say those two simple words, you can visibly see them calm down and submit to you. You give them a big hug, snuggle them for a minute, and they run off happy!

One important thing to remember, I don’t expect my two year old to have created the habit of instantly responding with “yes mom”. I’m working on that habit during the whole two year old stage, and honestly for several years after that. Not all habits come easily, so don’t give up.

Let’s embrace this fun, adventurous, busy stage of two year olds, and give them lots of grace. They are just beginning their journey of life, and we want to encourage and love them as they start to grow out of being babies and into little boys and girls.