Minutes after the birth of our fourth child
I am thankfully nearing the end of my morning sickness! I’m 13 weeks and it *normally* stops at 13 to 14 weeks, but then nothing has been normal about this pregnancy so we will see.
I’ve had morning sickness to one degree or another with all five of my pregnancies. Most of the time it’s been difficult to endure, my first was probably my easiest. I only remember throwing up a couple of times with that pregnancy.
What I’ve learned is that while you are going through it, you feel like it will never end.
I’ve been dealing with morning sickness for almost 7 weeks now, and let me tell you it feels like it has been much, much longer than that. The days drag on and the nights are long. With this pregnancy I lay there trying not to despair, and fighting against feelings of guilt that I had to wean my 16 month old because my milk dried up and I couldn’t nurse through the extreme fatigue I was experiencing. I felt guilty because I wasn’t there for my children, my mother in law and sister were tending to their needs. My house fell apart, our food budget sky rocketed, and my husband’s patience was tested as he was sent to the store on every little whim I had.
Spiritually it is a battle. I have learned that every pregnancy will test me spiritually, as they are difficult. I fight fears concerning labour, fears concerning hoping the baby will healthy, fears concerning how will I be able to handle ___ amount of children after this baby comes. I’ll be honest with you and say when I’m going through the worst time of morning sickness, I wonder why did I ever want another baby. This is WAY to hard, I just want to lay here and shrivel up and die.
What helped me tremendously this time was a scripture verse found on the “31 Days to Clean” printout that I had hanging on my refrigerator. Before I found out I was pregnant I was doing the challenge. That came to a screeching halt as morning sickness discovered me at 6 weeks, but the challenge still remained in hopes I could resume it at a later date. There is a scripture verse at the bottom that stood out to me, and I said this scripture verse to myself daily.
“For I satisfy the weary ones and refresh everyone who languishes.” Jeremiah 31:25
I was weary, and I was languishing – every minute of every day. But I clung to the hope that came from that verse. The Lord would satisfy my needs, and refresh me. That verse pulled me out of despair many times, and gave me new strength to make it through the next hour.
Strength also came from thinking of people who are chronically sick and lay in bed for months and years at a time with no hope of relief coming. At least I did have hope that at some point the morning sickness would go away. I remembered my Mom, and how she endured Lupus, Chronic Fatigue, and Epilepsy for many years of her life. The only time I remember her going through an extended period of despair over her illness was the first year she was diagnosed with Lupus. It left her so sick and fatigued she would lay on the couch or in bed for months at a time. Those were dark days for our family. But through that struggle, I watched my mother eventually submit, and learn to trust the Lord in a way that she had never been asked to do before. She came to be cheerful, and happy in the midst of carrying this heavy burden on her back for years.
I also surrounded myself with people who would encourage me. We purposefully did not tell anyone that might not welcome this pregnancy with excitement until I had gotten through the worst of my sickness. Emotionally I just couldn’t handle the negative comments that might come. Our church family was told, and I had many, many prayers said for me. I also had offers of help, and one woman from church came one day and brought me lots of groceries, and stayed all afternoon to do the dishes and visit with the children. I texted, emailed and called my midwife who gave me great encouragement even though she just had given birth to a new baby herself! When you are going through severe morning sickness, the last thing you need are negative comments, or people telling you that you are nuts to be pregnant a fifth (or ninth, or ___ ) time.
I do not look back in reflection and say I mastered the art of submitting to the Lord through trials, and that next time I will be perfectly at peace. Life is a refining process, and I’m still being refined. 🙂 But I am grateful for the lessons I have learned, and hope to cling to them the rest of this pregnancy.
Next week-How To Physically Survive Morning Sickness
*Have you visited The Bulk Herb Store? It has excellent resources available to help you through pregnancy, breastfeeding, and beyond! I have learned a lot just reading through the articles on the website, and the pregnancy tea I ordered is the best I have ever tasted! I actually like it, and that is saying a lot since I don’t like tea of any sort!