Dressing for the Holidays: A spirit of modesty
When one thinks of modesty, many times one’s first thoughts are of dress. It might be thoughts of how high the neckline should be, how low the hem is, the tightness of the bodice, etc. On this blog we focus a lot on how to implement  modesty in our dress, but I want to delve into the spirit of modesty as we begin a new series.
The definition of modesty is:
1. Properly, restrained by a sense of propriety; hence, not forward or bold; not presumptuous or arrogant; not boastful; as a modest youth; a modest man.
2. Not bold or forward; as a modest maid. The word may be thus used without reference to chastity.
“The blushing beauties of a modest maid.” ~ Dryden
3. Not loose; not lewd.
“Mrs. Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife.” ~ Shakespeare
4. Moderate; not excessive or extreme; not extravagant; as a modest request; modest joy; a modest computation.
Modesty should never become simply a list of rules that we check off before we leave our bedroom in an outfit for the day. Most importantly, it is a spirit, an attitude that as women we should have.
My personal definition of a modest woman:
A modest woman is right in her relationship with God. She is focused on living for him and not all about living for the latest fashion statement, or for a compliment on how she looks. Â A modest woman is humble in her spirit. She is not brazen or forward in her actions. She does not seek the attention of men. She does not strive to be the loudest person in the room (nor does she make it her life goal to be the quietest person in the room-more about that later).
Trying to have a modest spirit means you are striving for humility in your life.
“Â Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:”
1 Peter 3:3-5
 When I read those verses, I see in my head a woman that is not haughty or lifted up. Far to often when we implement a modest dress in our day to day life, it is easy to become proud about it and carry the attitude that we are better than someone else who might not dress like us. That attitude will be the quickest way to ruin any positive effect we might have on family members around us.
The scriptures consistently point our focus back to our heart. We personally do not feel like those scriptures are banning the use of plaiting the hair, or wearing of gold (because it says after that the putting on of apparel, which can’t be right because we are supposed to be clothed!). Rather the scriptures are telling us that our adornment is to be a meek and quiet spirit. I don’t care how beautiful you might be on the outside, if you have spent all day going to the beauty parlor, you have shopped for the nicest clothes that are your perfect color and fit and your makeup and accessories match to perfection, your meek and quiet spirit will always, without fail be more beautiful to the Lord, your husband, and those around you. I know that many people interpret those scriptures literally, and I in no way am trying to convince you to believe something other than what your husband or father believes as truth, but I knew I needed to explain our position on those verses. Now let’s move on and not engage in a debate over it. *smile*
 My definition on what a modest women does not look like:
Some people seem to think that in order to be modest, a woman is someone who is ultra meek. She walks around with barely a word to say, a quick glance to acknowledge your presence in the room, a mumbled hello that can hardly be heard, and in general darts around like a scared creature. These ladies can be lifted up as the ideal examples of modesty and I want to dispel that thought right now! This is not modesty, this is an almost paralyzing shyness that some train their daughters to equate with scriptural modesty.Â
We do not desire to be the cackling, brazen lighthearted woman in the crowd, but neither do we want to swing too far the other side and become a timid mouse. One of the definitions of modesty above states that it is moderate, not excessive or extreme, a modest joy. Let’s keep the pendulum swung in the middle on this one, and not be afraid to show some joy, confidence, and contentment.
In short, a modest woman’s greatest beauty is her meek spirit, which if she truly posses it, will put a glow on her cheeks and a brightness to her countenance that will far outweigh anything that man can do to mimic it. It is because she has found a true joy that results from walking confidently on the path of the Lord.
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Beautifully worded post, thank you.
I have to agree!
Excellent post, Caroline!
Thank you. Good article. 🙂
This is by far one of the best posts that you have written. I appreciate that you took the time to tell us what your definition on “modest” is. Thank you!
Yes – this is one of the best posts to date! My sister and I often notice that most often, people are perplexed when they meet us initially. What they SEE are modestly dressed women in their 20’s – modestly and unpretentiously dressed, but still elegant and fashionable (at least we try!) They automatically EXPECT us to be timid, naive, and somehow ignorant. When they find that we do not fit in this category, they will often say things like, “I just can’t figure you out!” Still, there is so much in modesty that needs our attention. Thanks for encouraging us to apply modesty in a purer sense – in every part of life!
Do you have any suggestions where I might find formal-wear for Christmas? I need a “black tie event” bolero or jacket and so far, searching the internet for such formalwear below $100 has been unsuccessful. 🙂
Mary, I just saw a really nice one at Kohl’s.
Thank you! I’ll have to take a peek!!!!
Thank you! I think too often people equate modesty only with their clothing… so long as their shoulders and knees are covered they are modest. We need to remember that modesty has to do with how that clothing looks (not just what it covers) and, more importantly, our attitude. Modesty is a way of life, not just covering your skin!
Dear Caroline,
I commented on the last post how much I was looking forward to your posts regarding the Spirit of Modesty since That is where I feel my focus on learning and teaching my 5 yr old daughter is. I really liked your definition of modesty; more modern and easy to apply to modern life. It also touched my heart and made me smile because I fit in that description…..and here I am, I guess to worried about the old me, that I thought I was further away than I actually was. Between the Holy Spirit and reading your posts, I feel confident in what I am setting in examples for my daughter (and myself, still).
Thank you.
I love your definition of modesty! Thank you. 🙂
Very well put. I totally agree with the whole post! 🙂 We need a better understanding and teaching on this issue. It seems like we see most often the immodest woman in manner and dress but more and more ,I am also seeing the other side of the pendulum . It seems far too many young girls are getting the idea that too be modest they must be a wall flower. A great balanced post!
I love where you said, “She is focused on living for Him and not all about living for the latest fashion statement, or for a compliment on how she looks.”
This is so true 🙂 when you’re fully living for the Lord, the things of the world dim in comparison. We need to turn our eyes upon Jesus. Thanks for sharing this 🙂 God bless!