What’s so wrong with the “S” Word?
As a second generation homeschooler I’ve heard the “s” word my whole life.
“Those poor children are going to be so sheltered they won’t be able to adjust to normal life.”
The other big “s” word? Socialization. These two words have a way of following each other around. “Oh my, their children are so sheltered they won’t know the first thing about socialization. I mean, how will they cope when they get out into the real world?”
I can attest that there is at least one person on the planet who was sheltered as a youth and who, now in her 30’s, makes her way in the world quite well. That person is me. Actually, believe it or not, there are others like me. Many others. You might not know it though because, well, we’re just so adept at socializing. 😉
Sarcasm aside, I’m sincerely not the least bit resentful that I didn’t experience more of the world as I was growing up. My parents carefully controlled the environment in my home and I’m grateful for it. That’s not to say we lived in a cave. My mother was very wise in the way she sheltered me yet made sure I was equipped and prepared to enter the world.
As a sheltered homeschooled child I grew into an adult that was married at 19 and became a mother at 20 (gasp, yes I was one of those young brides who went through courtship). I am currently a pastor’s wife, a business owner, a blogger, and I hope a “normal” human being that tries to conduct her life in a way that would please God.
What did my sheltered life consist of? (Cue the melancholy music.)
1. I wasn’t familiar with many of the popular movie stars, as I didn’t watch many of the popular movies. If an actress was in a Jane Austen movie then I knew about them. 🙂 It’s still that way today. Watching PG-13 and R rated movies just didn’t happen (I think I’ve seen two PG-13 movies. Or maybe I should say I’ve seen about a ⅓ of two historical PG-13 movies. We fast forwarded through most of them).
2. We listened to classical and some Christian music growing up. Actually I listened to more Contemporary Christian music when I was younger than I do now. I was a teenager when my brother introduced me to the famous Bye-Bye Ms. American Pie song (and don’t ask me the band responsible for the song, lol). I knew what songs were popular from being out shopping. I suppose you could say I grew up listening to the Wal-Mart top 40. : )
3. Cursing was absolutely not allowed in our home. Slang words were considered just as bad as curse words. Some of you might be shocked, but I was well into my 20’s before I even knew what most bad words were and I still don’t think I know all of them. If I had been around situations where curse words were commonly used, my parents would have educated me more. I just didn’t need to know!
4. The TV was never background noise. It was only on if we were all watching something together, and many years we never even had TV reception.
5. My parents never taught us to believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa Clause. Actually my Grandpa was the town’s Santa Clause one time (it was a big deal; he rode in a float with the mayor, picture in the paper and everything). We went to see him with our younger cousin who did believe in Santa Clause and we were given strict instructions to not say a word about it being our Grandpa! We celebrated holidays for the religious reasons behind them, not the secular.
6. I’ve never been to a lock-in at a church or school and I only went to one big overnight birthday party when I was little.
7. I never went on a date until I was courting the man I married. Please know I don’t believe that just because you are in a courtship means you will automatically marry that person, but I do not believe in dating around for fun. We had our first kiss on our wedding day.
My parents came from rough upbringings, and they regretted a lot of things they went through. They didn’t want their children making the same mistakes so they sheltered them from influences that they didn’t consider godly.
However, don’t let this list fool you. I’m not a naive 30 year old mama. I’ve had my fair share of real life, hard, and very unsheltered situations.
As soon as we were old enough to drive we were added to our parents checking accounts. My mom had Lupus since I was 11 and we were responsible for grocery shopping and running errands when she was sick.
I was one of the primary caregivers of my great-grandfather when I was 16. He was living in our home on hospice for a month or so before he passed away of cancer. My older sister was in charge of all the financial/legal paperwork and I worked with the hospice nurses on how to take care of him.
I’ve learned far more about homosexuality and it’s lifestyle than I ever dreamed I would have, because of family members who have chosen to walk in that path. I’ve been in many counseling situations, churches of all different faiths, and opened our home to many different types of people.
I’ve walked through family member’s divorces, separations, terminal illness, heartaches, victory and failures.
Being sheltered does not mean you don’t experience real life and all that it brings. It simply means you limit your understanding concerning the ungodly things as much as you can. Why? So you can deal with real life.
The only time I’m super aware of my limited knowledge of movies or movie stars, popular people (like famous people in sports), etc. is when my husband makes a joke or tries to tell me some passing tidbit of news, and I have no clue what he is talking about. 🙂 We come from different backgrounds, but he always tells me it’s better not to know!
Do I think you can shelter your children too much? Absolutely. But that’s a topic for another post. For the purposes of this post I just want to say that this lady who is married to a real husband and who went through 6 real labors which brought 6 real children into the world, and who has seen her share of real sorrow and suffering among those she loves most, is truly grateful for being sheltered when she was young so she could joyfully weather this bittersweet thing people call socialization.
Pretty much the same choices we have made for our children. We have graduated 4 out of our homeschool, two are married. Socialization has never been too much of a problem, the children can talk to anyone of any age, color, sex. They view people, as people. We are so blessed that God led us differently many years ago. Thanks for sharing!
Beautifully and well said Caroline!
This post really spoke to my heart! I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I had to help my parents with an ill sibling when I was growing up. My siblings and I were home schooled. My parents had similar rules in place (no cussing, no TV constantly running in the background, no dating for fun – dating is to find the one you marry), etc. My husband’s family had similar rules as well, and he was also home schooled. Hubby and I had a beautiful courtship. We have been married for 5 years and in that time God has given us 4 children. Neither of us had trouble “adjusting” to the real world. I think we are better equipped to deal with all the junk out there because of the “sheltering” we had growing up. We have decided to put similar rules in place in our home and we’ll start homeschooling our oldest son next fall.
Keep on “sheltering” those kids, I say! 🙂 They will love you for it when they’re grown and come to see the reality that is this fallen world we live in.
Homosexuality is not chosen – you are or you aren’t born homosexual.
Um, sorry, but it is a choice. In the beginning, God created male and female and saw that it was good. In Romans, we read that men and women have gone against nature. You can’t make yourself go against what is natural before you are born. One might be influenced by their surroundings or what they are taught, but that does not mean one was born that way.
But perhaps you don’t believe God or his Word. Truth is Truth, even if the government tries to redefine it.
Allison, it is a choice to act on a homosexual desire. One can struggle against it and that is a choice, or one can give in and act on the desire and that is also a choice. God gives us free will. If we love Him, we will keep His commandments.
It’s absolutely a choice. God did not “create” a person to be born that way. That’s the worlds explanation. because they refuse to acknowledge its a sinful lifestyle. we love the person in it, but acknowledge the sin of it. Paul said NOT to be deceived. That in the end people will call sin “good” and what is “good” (biblical) will be called “evil”. Do not be deceived. Standing in truth in today’s world will bring you persecution. But Jesus tells us, that it is because of Him, His Name!!
Amen!! Totally agree.
Exactly! How does one explain all homosexual people saying that they’ve felt this way their whole life? If only people spent more time focused on love rather than judging others for what they cannot change 🙁
Beautiful!!!! Amen, amen, amen!!!! I was quite sheltered…. Homeschooled…. And now am a homeschooling, paator’s wife… I still don’t know as much as some, but am trying to shelter (but not too much) my own children. I remember Mama Bates (Duggars/Bates) talking about sheltering children and likening them as a precious little tree. You wouldn’t just plant a tree as soon as it sprouted, no you would make sure it was strong and equipped to handle the elements. Same for children.
Yes! I love that illustration!
I really need the home schooling movement to stop conflating socialization and socializing. It’s not supporting our credibility when we say socialization can be done whilst home schooling if most of the people talking about it don’t even know what it is. It has nothing to do with making friends and everything to do with creating awareness of the common cultural consciousness of our society. It’s about shared culture and history, and the political (discourse and attitude) framework of the society you live in – all of which can be done in a safe, family centered way with focus on the Lord. But how do we convince people of this when we go “oh, socialization isn’t a problem, I am great at socializing” every time the point is brought up? At best it’s just going to provoke an eyeroll from the sceptics, at worst it’s going to fan the flames of “home schooling provides substandard education”.
Caroline, this whole “sheltered” thing has been on my mind lately, too. In fact, I have a blog post on it in draft… I just haven’t felt like I could tackle the topic without offending people I know. You wrote this wonderfully! I agree!
I literally can relate to everything you wrote here! I grew up a very very sheltered life. It blows people away when I say I’ve never done this or that but like you said, I know plenty of bad stuff and wish I didn’t 🙂 I wouldn’t have wanted to grow up any other way. I thank God for my parents. I hope and pray that God will give me wisdom how to raise my 4 children to live Godly lives in an ungodly world that we live in today.
Hello,
I personally disagree. I think it’s better to expose children to injustice and the problems in the world than to shelter them from it. It is in fact crucial to speak to children about events such as the Charlotte church shooting, chronic hunger, women in some areas who are prevented from getting an education, and et cetera, if only so they can discuss such events with their parents and be aware about the various occurrences in this world. I believe all knowledge is useful to everyone, regardless of age. That’s not to say that I condone showing horrifically violent material to one’s small children, but I think they should be informed. Additionally, I believe that one should not attempt to force one’s beliefs of particular subjects upon one’s child, but instead allow said child to reach a conclusion of his or her own. Children are perfectly capable of doing as such. These are simply my thoughts, and I am open to criticism or debate.
Excellent post. I used to fire up when ever people, including my older brother once, said I was too sheltered. “I am not!” I would cry indignantly, “I just haven’t gotten myself sullied by all the filthiness in the world.” It wasn’t long after this, however, when I realized that that was the definition of sheltered. I had treated it as a bad word right up there with ‘Legalist’ and ‘Bible Thumper.’ But that’s not at all the case. It just means that your parents have placed you under a canopy to keep you from getting damaged by being soaked by the world’s dirt too soon. People who decide to run out and get themselves drenched, oughtn’t to taunt people who carry umbrellas! ~ You put it very well and graciously. Sheltering, rather than weakening us, prepared us to face the real world, with strength and clarity. I so thankful my parents have sheltered me throughout my eighteen years.
Dear Caroline,
I am from a different country, culture and religion(but I’m Christian!). I’m younger than you and I’m not even married and I have some concerns about “christian/homeschool/lifestyle” but I understand and it rings a bell in my heart when you say “Being sheltered does not mean you don’t experience real life and all that it brings. It simply means you limit your understanding concerning the ungodly things as much as you can. Why? So you can deal with real life”. The most “democratic things” in the world are the true experiences of love and suffering, and no homeschooling experience will take that way. Sorry for the bad english.
You are a inspiration for me and I really feel alone in my convictions because my parents and brother are not Christians. I am sorry for the poor english.
God bless you and your family.