If you read my blog frequently, there is a good chance you are concerned about modesty. You see the deplorable lack of modesty that is in the world around us and you want to take a bold stand against it. The closet is purged, the mini skirts are thrown out, and you start teaching your daughters about being chaste, virtuous, and modest.
This attitude starts affecting your whole life. From the movies you watch, to your mannerisms, to the magazines you let in your home, modesty can really change your world, but not all of it can be for the better.
Without even realizing it, we can let this attitude slip into our marriage and our relationship with our husband. As married women, we have to remember to balance our desires to be modest during the day when we are present in the world, against the extreme opposite attitudes we can and should have at home with our husband.
When we are out shopping for groceries we are not trying to catch a man’s eye. Not only our clothing but our attitude should make it clear we are not loose women looking for a guy to flirt with.
Do we give that same impression to our husbands though? Are we buttoned up and posses a demure attitude towards him? Or do we throw caution to the wind and remember he is ours to love wholeheartedly?
I married my husband when I was 19 after a sweet courtship. Sean was my first and only boyfriend, and we shared our first kiss on our wedding day. I really didn’t know what kind of wife I would become, but my hope was to be a submissive, helpful, kind, and loving wife. Being a flirt with my husband wasn’t really on my list of qualities I wanted to strive for as a wife.
After 11 years of marriage, flirting with my husband is high on my list of things to work on in our marriage. I love being a totally different woman when I’m just around my husband, and he knows he is the only one that sees the flirtatious side of me. It strengthens our marriage and keeps us going during the difficult seasons.
It is much easier to be a flirtatious wife before the word “mom” is thrown into the mix. Modesty still has to prevail with lots of children around! Here are some ideas that might help overcome the sweet obstacle called children.
Don’t be afraid to kiss in front of your children! They need to see that their parents love each other. Almost everyday our children see us publicly display our affection in front of them!
Go ahead and throw away the flannel nightgown! There is definitely balance in all of this. If you have young children around then discretion still needs to be used. But a long flannel nightgown does not always have to be worn to be modest! There are cute two piece pajama sets that are modest enough for a mama to wear. Another idea is to have a long lighter weight robe on over your more revealing nightgowns. The children need never know.
Some good places I like finding cute nightwear
Kohls (the clearance rack is awesome there!)
Notice Victoria Secret is not on the list? I know ladies who love to shop there for practical items, but if you don’t feel comfortable doing that there are many other options!
Take advantage of the moments alone with your husband! There are not always going to be these amazingly romantic moments. Some husbands just are not even very romantically inclined, though they love their wives with a true passion. Make the best of the rare moments alone. If you can get away once a year by yourself, or let the children spend the night with family, don’t clean the house while they are gone or spend your night on the computer! Create an amazing date night at home for your husband. This is the best time to be as flirty as you want! Dating Divas website is a great resource for ideas, you just have to pick and choose what you are comfortable with (I’m not comfortable with all the ideas, but some are fantastic).
Find one thing your husband loves about you and do it! We are wives but also busy mothers. Trying to look the part of June Cleaver isn’t possible. June Cleaver did not have a large family, she definitely didn’t homeschool, or live in the country, or have a family business. Let go of the pressure that you have to look all and be all and do all, but find one thing that your husband loves about you and keep that up! Whether it is your hairstyle, a certain color of clothes you wear, makeup on when he comes home, or simply a clean house, do that one thing consistently for him!
Remember how you treated him when you were courting/dating. Back when you were first getting to know your husband he was probably treated as if he was super special! You dressed up for him, were available whenever he wanted to take you out or call you on the phone. Everything was new and exciting. Don’t let those memories be forgotten! Recently we sat and shared memories of our courting days for a long time, reliving sweet times and precious events. Pull out your wedding video and watch it or look at your wedding pictures again. Remember your vows you made to each other, and that they were made before God and are sacred.