Modesty In Marriage: How Much Is Too Much?

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Modesty in Marriage: How Much is Too Much? | themodestmomblog.com

If you read my blog frequently, there is a good chance you are concerned about modesty. You see the deplorable lack of modesty that is in the world around us and you want to take a bold stand against it. The closet is purged, the mini skirts are thrown out, and you start teaching your daughters about being chaste, virtuous, and modest.

This attitude starts affecting your whole life. From the movies you watch, to your mannerisms, to the magazines you let in your home, modesty can really change your world, but not all of it can be for the better.

Without even realizing it, we can let this attitude slip into our marriage and our relationship with our husband. As married women, we have to remember to balance our desires to be modest during the day when we are present in the world, against the extreme opposite attitudes we can and should have at home with our husband.

When we are out shopping for groceries we are not trying to catch a man’s eye. Not only our clothing but our attitude should make it clear we are not loose women looking for a guy to flirt with.

Do we give that same impression to our husbands though? Are we buttoned up and posses a demure attitude towards him? Or do we throw caution to the wind and remember he is ours to love wholeheartedly?

I married my husband when I was 19 after a sweet courtship. Sean was my first and only boyfriend, and we shared our first kiss on our wedding day. I really didn’t know what kind of wife I would become, but my hope was to be a submissive, helpful, kind, and loving wife. Being a flirt with my husband wasn’t really on my list of qualities I wanted to strive for as a wife.

After 11 years of marriage, flirting with my husband is high on my list of things to work on in our marriage. I love being a totally different woman when I’m just around my husband, and he knows he is the only one that sees the flirtatious side of me. It strengthens our marriage and keeps us going during the difficult seasons.

It is much easier to be a flirtatious wife before the word “mom” is thrown into the mix. Modesty still has to prevail with lots of children around! Here are some ideas that might help overcome the sweet obstacle called children. :)

Don’t be afraid to kiss in front of your children! They need to see that their parents love each other. Almost everyday our children see us publicly display our affection in front of them!

Go ahead and throw away the flannel nightgown! There is definitely balance in all of this. If you have young children around then discretion still needs to be used. But a long flannel nightgown does not always have to be worn to be modest! There are cute two piece pajama sets that are modest enough for a mama to wear. Another idea is to have a long lighter weight robe on over your more revealing nightgowns. The children need never know. :)

Some good places I like finding cute nightwear 

Target

Kohls (the clearance rack is awesome there!)

Marshalls

Ross

Zulily

Notice Victoria Secret is not on the list? I know ladies who love to shop there for practical items, but if you don’t feel comfortable doing that there are many other options! :)

Take advantage of the moments alone with your husband! There are not always going to be these amazingly romantic moments. Some husbands just are not even very romantically inclined, though they love their wives with a true passion. Make the best of the rare moments alone. If you can get away once a year by yourself, or let the children spend the night with family, don’t clean the house while they are gone or spend your night on the computer! Create an amazing date night at home for your husband. This is the best time to be as flirty as you want! Dating Divas website is a great resource for ideas, you just have to pick and choose what you are comfortable with (I’m not comfortable with all the ideas, but some are fantastic).

Find one thing your husband loves about you and do it! We are wives but also busy mothers. Trying to look the part of June Cleaver isn’t possible. June Cleaver did not have a large family, she definitely didn’t homeschool, or live in the country, or have a family business. Let go of the pressure that you have to look all and be all and do all, but find one thing that your husband loves about you and keep that up! Whether it is your hairstyle, a certain color of clothes you wear, makeup on when he comes home, or simply a clean house, do that one thing consistently for him!

Remember how you treated him when you were courting/dating. Back when you were first getting to know your husband he was probably treated as if he was super special! You dressed up for him, were available whenever he wanted to take you out or call you on the phone. Everything was new and exciting. Don’t let those memories be forgotten! Recently we sat and shared memories of our courting days for a long time, reliving sweet times and precious events. Pull out your wedding video and watch it or look at your wedding pictures again. Remember your vows you made to each other, and that they were made before God and are sacred.

 

 

 

Embracing Intimacy: A Celebration of Biblical Marriage & A Link Up.

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Embracing Intimacy

 

Embracing intimacy. That’s not what most wives like to hear. By the end of the day we are exhausted and touched out. When you are nursing a baby and have a toddler clinging to you all day, all you want is a little peace and quiet. You fall into bed hoping your husband is just as tired as you are. And this happens night after night after night.

Marriage is under attack more then ever these days. The actual institution of godly marriage is being ripped apart and thrown away by the homosexual agenda. Marriage is quickly no longer being defined as a man and a woman taking holy vows. The way God set up marriage in the garden of Eden is struggling to stay in existence.

Faithfulness in marriage is another source of grief. Even among Christians, affairs are becoming more and more common. And it’s not just men who are having the affairs, I’m hearing more and more stories of women being unfaithful as well. While some marriages survive these affairs, many do not and they crumble and end with a judge declaring them divorced.

Why is there so much unfaithfulness? Why do even Christians fall prey to these temptations of the flesh? Satan is fighting hard to destroy marriage, but as Christian wives we can do our own part in trying to keep it together.

When it comes to intimacy, we women tend to forget how important that is for our husbands. Very few men would turn their wives away if they came to them acting romantic. Do you know how awesome you would look in your husband’s eyes if you actually planned out a romantic evening?

With Valentine’s Day coming up it is the perfect time to stop and focus on your marriage instead of just your children. It doesn’t have to be expensive or time consuming. It is possible to do with children in the house.

Here is what we have done over the years when we want a special date night at home. (Affiliate Links Included)

Feed the children early!

I can’t stress this enough. You need to feed the children much earlier then the time of your date at home. Normally it is something really simple, like sandwiches.

Put them to bed early, or plan an activity for them

If you have really young children, try just putting them to bed early. I’m a mother of 5 though and I’m realistic about such things. Rarely does it work out like you want it to! I turn on a video on for the children (something long like a Duggar DVD and they can watch the whole disk!) and send them away. In our old house they all went upstairs to the boy’s bedroom with a portable DVD player we have. They were warned to not come downstairs unless absolutely necessary.

Fix a nice meal for the two of you

I love to cook a nice candlelight dinner and stay home sometimes. Especially on Valentine’s Day when the restaurants are so crowded. Here is a nice menu.

Parmesan Chicken Breast

(This is similar to the recipe I use, minus the mustard)

Mashed Potatoes

(this recipe is a must! Simply the best ever)

Crescent Rolls

Cooked Broccoli with lots of butter.

For Dessert – Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake

Sometimes I’ll set the card table up and use fine china and candles. Other times it’s all I can do to get the meal made, and we eat it on Corelle dishes at the table. :)

If you want to really impress your husband, plan a fun activity for afterwards. I love the Dating Divas website, which is actually for married couples! You can find any sort of idea there, whether it is super sweet, melt your heart kind of activity, or more along the lines of embracing intimacy. ;) Some of the ideas go a little far, so just use your discretion with what you feel is appropriate in your marriage.

If this sounds overwhelming, then think up something that you can manage. Any extra effort on your part should go along ways toward impressing your husband and letting him know that you love him!

This special link up is also being hosted by Raising Mighty ArrowsLittle Natural CottageThe Purposeful MomSisters Raising SistersWhole Family Strong,Thankful HomemakerAbiding Woman, and Smithspirations. So, if you link up any of your posts they will be seen on each of our blogs.

 Any posts related to marriage, intimacy, dating your spouse, etc. are welcome (within good context, of course). Old and new posts alike are welcome to be linked up.

 

 


What is True Love?

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What is True Love? A look at the practical ever after fairy tale in marriage. | themodestmomblog.com

Film makers would like us to believe that the epitome of true love is that magical moment when the man gets down on bended knee and asks his sweetheart to marry him. The film ends after the first kiss, and you leave the movie feeling all happy inside that true love conquered and won.

I’m a helpless romantic. Ever since I was little I dreamed of a man adoring me. When my Prince Charming did come, I learned I had to grow up. The first month of our courtship was spent talking through some hard issues. Sean was reserved in giving compliments and in telling me that he loved me. He had previously dated before, and he wanted to simply prove himself faithful to me, instead of starting our courtship with all sorts of romantic gestures. Those things did come, as I am blessed to be married to a romantic man! But it helped me learn more about true love, and now 11 years later, I have a better understanding of what true love is.

 True love is steady.

It does not waver when the storm clouds hit. And there will be storm clouds. I never dreamed that our marriage would endure so many trials, things we had absolutely no control over during our first 10 years of marriage. True love tries to shelter you, not because you are not capable of handling those trials. Rather it is because your husband loves you so much he doesn’t want the heartache of sharing those trials with you.

 True love is intense.

It involves miscommunications, hurt feelings, and yes even fights. No marriage is perfect but true love prevails through these times. It gives you the strength to say “I’m sorry” at the end of the day. True love does not give divorce a second thought during the bad times, because it believes that when you say “I Do” that it is until death disturbs that vow.

 True love is not based on looks.

It does not love based on sexy appearances, or desiring a wife that looks 18 when she is 40. True love strives to give of our best for our spouse, but also realizing that motherhood takes a toll. Stretch marks are love marks, and it took a man and a woman together for those stretch marks to happen! It does not flinch during the months of throwing up from morning sickness. True love lets you know that even though you feel like a giant elephant at 9 months, he thinks you are radiant.

True love is faithful.

It is understanding of each other’s weaknesses and keeping each other in check. It does not resort to paranoia and immediately jumping to conclusions of unfaithfulness. However, true love shares freely of interactions taking place with the opposite sex. It does not give room for undue suspicion to arise. True love is jealous of each other in a good way, always demanding the upmost loyalty.

True love is helpful and practical.

It models love by changing diapers, doing dishes, fixing the garbage disposal, hanging up pictures, taking a suit to the dry cleaners, and having warm meals on the table. Love does not survive long on mere feelings after a marriage takes place. If the practicals are left alone while the wife sits on the couch eating bon bons and the husband is playing video games, the bills will not get paid, the house will be infested with mice from being dirty and the marriage will fall apart.

Finally, true love is passionate.

Just as I stated above, though marriage requires the practical demonstrations of love, no marriage should survive without the romantic side. This is the icing on the cake, the dessert part of marriage. Everyone wants this, but in order to have the romantic side the practical side must be tended to. The passionate side of marriage does not always have to be huge displays of fireworks. Texting filled with flirty messages, sweet kisses in front of the children, a love note slipped in the lunch pail sent to work – these are all romantic gestures that help a marriage along day in and day out. And when the fireworks happen, those wildly romantic moments of marriage that you never forget, you cling to those during the diaper changes. True love plans to be there for each other, it means the wife takes a nap during the day so she has energy for her husband when he comes home. It does not allow the children to come between the marriage, for they came after that union was formed. It is Shakespeare sonnets and chocolate, but most importantly (and most enduringly) it is consistent, daily acts of service to the one you pledged your life to. I truth, these are the marriages that are most passionate as well as the most durable. They are the sort of marriages couples grow old in, as much in love as they ever were.

Welcome Home Wednesdays

My Beloved and My Friend Marriage Book Review!

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My Beloved and My Friend by Hal and Melanie Young. An excellent book on marriage written by a homeschooling couple! | themodestmomblog.com

I love reading good marriage books. The tips I find, whether big or small, are helpful and just reading about all the things I should be doing in a marriage are good reminders.

When I heard that Hal and Melanie Young were writing a marriage book, I really wanted to read it. I knew that they were a large homeschooling family and I’ve been very blessed by their book called “Raising Real Men“. Having heard them speak once, you could tell they had a good marriage by how they were able to bounce off of each others ideas and share a session together.

When I got the book in the mail, I was able to sit and read it during a two hour downtime I had at my children’s homeschool co-op. It is an easy read, written in a conversation style.

A few things that stood out to me from this book.

1. I appreciated that they talked a lot about illness in marriage and even included morning sickness. When you have a larger family and suffer with horrible morning sickness, it can take a toll on your marriage. Your husband is under so much strain trying to keep everything together, and you are an emotional mess trying to endure feeling sick all the time. Hal and Melanie shared some experiences of their trials through morning sickness, cancer, and a baby in the hospital and how to keep your marriage strong during those times.

2. They tackled the difficult topic of submission in marriage with insight and tact.

“Submission is not bondage, but rather freedom to Melanie. It means that she doesn’t have to worry and agonize that she’s making the wrong decision, but it doesn’t prevent her from making dozens of decisions every day about our family and our business.”

And another favorite quote.

“….wives are told to submit, but husbands are told to die. At least, that’s the measure of love Christ gave to us in the church. There’s no room for selfishness in any degree, if your calling is service to the point of death.”

They make it clear that they are not promoting some sort of egotistic submission, where whatever the man says goes, simply because he is the husband. There is a give and take in marriage, the husband and wife both mutually respect and love each other, and ultimately the husband is the head of the home, but he submits to God. I love good examples of submission done correctly in marriage.

3. They talked about leaving and cleaving. Of creating a strong bond after becoming married. I appreciated their thoughts and suggestions on how to do this.

4. Most of all I liked reading their thoughts on how to become best friends. Isn’t that what we are supposed to be? Married to our absolute best friend, the person we can tell our deepest secrets and our hearts desires? It doesn’t happen overnight. Having a marriage that strong takes time and work.

If you are needing a boost of marriage encouragement, you can pre-order your copy for just $12.00 at My Beloved and My Friend.