Happy Anniversary to my darling husband!

October 12, 2012 by · 16 Comments

10 years ago today I walked down the aisle to marry my beloved husband. After courting for 16 months, we were more than ready to get married and start a new life together. I can’t believe that 10 years has already come and gone! Having had five children since then makes it feel a little more real though. :)

I thought I would share some pictures and memories of our wedding, as I’ve had a few people ask about how to put on a wedding on a budget.

We had what some would consider a very simple wedding. We spent just a little over a thousand dollars for the whole wedding, and had around 150 people there. My sister sewed my dress and the most of the bridesmaid dresses. I sewed the flower girl dresses, and we bought fresh flowers at a wholesale flower supplier and had a good friend help us arrange them all the day before the wedding. We spent the most on hiring a photographer, and then we paid $100 for our wedding cake, and bought sheet cakes from Costco to feed people once our wedding cake was gone. We just had cake, punch, and mints. Friends and family provided the music.

My sweet friends! The bridesmaids, candle lighters, and flower girls.

My sister attaching my veil

I loved the pearl buttons and lace flower at the back of my dress

I love Pansies, so we had fresh pansies on our cake, and for decoration in pots on the tables.

Our first kiss! I don’t ever regret waiting to have our first kiss at the alter.

We kept it simple, and only rented a tuxedo for Sean. His brother was his best man, then my brother and his cousin were groomsmen. My sister was my maid of honor, and two of my friends were bridesmaids. Little did we know at the time that my sister and his brother would walk the aisle a few years later together as husband and wife. :)

Both Sets of Parents with Sean and I

This is about the only picture I have of my mom and I at my wedding :( I really wish I would have gotten more of us together, but at the time I didn’t even think of the fact that she wouldn’t be alive at my ten year anniversary.

I’m so grateful for the past 10 years of wedded bliss, and just pray that I have many more years spent with my husband as we raise our family together! I couldn’t have asked for a better husband, and still feel so incredibly blessed to be Sean’s wife!

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Courtship Story Part 3: The Long Adventure

March 8, 2012 by · 11 Comments

(I apologize for the long delay in getting the final part published.)

Follow these links to read about our story leading up to this:

Part 1: It all begins
Part 2: The Courtship begins!

Several weeks after starting our courtship I left to go visit my grandparents in a different state for almost a month. This had been planned for quite some time before I knew I was going to be in a courtship and my emotions were quite mixed to leave and go stay with them! The weeks leading up to me leaving were filled with learning to open our hearts up to each other. By the time I left, we had already verbally told each other that we were committed to this courtship, and that, Lord willing, we would be married to each other. Some people were amazed that we could already know that, but we just did.

Some things we did together before I left were attending a wedding together where I was the pianist, going to a botanical garden with my family, and spending lots and lots of time just talking, both with my family and by ourselves.

While I was away, I spent most of my vacation money on pre paid long distance phone cards so I could call Sean! We also exchanged letters (which continued through the whole courtship) and they are so precious to me. I have them all tied in ribbon bundled away in my drawer. :)

When I returned home it was a bit awkward, getting used to being around each other again. We resumed our talks, and a tradition began. We would talk a few times throughout the week on the phone, and he would come over on Friday nights to my house and spend the evening there. Sean’s parents had a curfew in their house that he had to be home at midnight, and many nights he made it home just in time. :) If my parents were tired and wanted to go to bed, my sister was wonderful and stayed up to act as a chaperon for us. The first few hours were normally spent talking with my entire family, and then we talked by ourselves for a few hours.

For the first six months we never held hands, put our arms around each other, etc. My mom told Sean that she trusted him, and that when he felt it was time that we could hold hands. We finally did start holding hands, but if we had known how much longer it was going to be before we were married it probably would have been best to wait even a little longer than we did. I am not a proponent of getting married and never having any sort of physical contact though. I know that can be strongly promoted by people who believe in courtship, but the real life examples I have seen where the couples had zero physical contact before marriage had some struggles that could have been easily avoided by simply starting to hold hands before marriage.

Sean was still in college and we were not sure what the future would hold. At times I got discouraged, wondering if it would be several more years before we could get married. Sean switched colleges, going from pursuing a graphic design degree to becoming a sign language interpreter. After a semester of pursing the sign language degree, he realized some issues in becoming certified in that field and decided to drop out of college.

We spent many hours talking about what he would do, and for some odd reason we came up with him being a cabinet maker. I laugh now thinking of the reasoning I gave him, “well Jesus was a carpenter, and it sounds so nice to have you work with your hands!” We were young for sure.

He was hired on at a local cabinet shop having no experience at all, and making hardly above minimum wage. After a few months he switched cabinet shops going to a shop in the city making just a little bit more money. I wondered when we would ever get married as it seemed like it would be quite awhile before he would be making enough for us to get married on. Thankfully he became extremely skilled at woodworking and even owned his own cabinet shop for several years, so it wasn’t all for nothing.

Finally, when I least expected it Sean proposed. We had been courting for 16 months-more than enough time for us to know that we wanted to be married. It was on a Sunday evening, and he proposed as we were sitting on his Grandparents porch swing. :)

We had a very short engagement period of 2 months. My dress had already been sewn by my sister during a week long vacation she took from work a few months previously (she knew it was the only time off work she had for quite a while).  Somehow we pulled everything else together, making the bridesmaid dresses, flower girl dresses, and with the help of a good friend doing all of our own flower arrangements as well. The wedding was lovely-but what touched me the most was how many people said that the Spirit of God was present.

We had our first kiss in front of 200 people! I have never regretted that decision and I pray that my own children will make the same decision we did.

My  husband is such a blessing in my life, I tell him he is my rock. He is the one person I know that will not abandon me and will always be there for me if I need him. I am so grateful that we built a foundation of purity and trust in each before we were married.
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Courtship Series Part 2: The Courtship begins!

September 1, 2011 by · 11 Comments

If you missed reading part 1 go here.

As I walked over to my small group and sat down, I was thankful to see a few girls in the group that I knew. As for the guy who introduced himself as the leader, I had no recollection of ever even seeing him before. We spent the time in that first meeting getting to know each person in our small group study. The leader, who was a young man named Sean, wanted each person to ask a question that everyone else had to answer about themselves. He himself, however, seemed to take particular interest in asking me questions, and quite frankly, I wasn’t comfortable with it. So, when my turn came around to ask the group a question, I asked how old everyone was. I did this mainly because I wanted this guy to “discover” that I was only 17. That would pour cold water on his curiosity for sure! But no, all night long the questions kept coming and I began to wonder if he was flirting with me! By the end of the night I had pretty much made up my mind that I really didn’t like him. Not only was he bothering me with all of his probing questions, to make matters worse, he was wearing baggy basketball pants! YUCK! There’s few things I disliked more on guys than baggy basketball pants :)
On the way home I told my sister about the evening, but after awhile I dismissed the whole thing from my mind, thinking maybe I had made it all up. A college guy flirting with ME?! Ha! The next few weeks went pretty much the same way though. He would teach the scripture lesson he had prepared, but he always seemed to find a way to draw me out and ask me what I thought about certain passages, what my views were on certain doctrines etc. Strangely enough, after a few weeks of this I began to realize this guy (ahem! ‘young man’ now) wasn’t so bad after all. He was serious, yet nice. You could tell he really loved the Lord, and was taking his job as small group leader very seriously. What impressed me even more, I could tell he didn’t look down on me for being a homeschool girl who dressed differently! Actually, based on all appearances, this seemed to actually intrigue him. Now, if we could only do something about those basketball pants : )
I talked to my mom, telling her all about Sean. What I didn’t know was that my sister was also watching this young man very, very closely and she was also bringing home reports of him to my mother.
Then there were the phone calls. One late Wednesday night the phone rang and my dad answered. He called me to the phone, and said (where the person on the line could clearly hear) “It’s a guy on the phone for you!” I was mortified to say the least. When I got on the phone I could hear Sean chuckling on the other end. I explained to him I don’t get many guys calling me (umm, like NONE!) and that my dad was teasing me. Thanks Dad!
That phone call begin a tradition of Wednesday night phone calls. Sean would call all of the people in his small group study to remind them about the meeting. But his phone calls to me grew into chatting about other things. He admitted later that the one thing which kept him consistent with these reminders were the opportunities they provided him to speak with me.
I knew nothing about Sean’s past. One night, I walked in to the small group study and he was with another young lady. He seemed to be directing her somewhere, and I wondered if it was his girlfriend. He never mentioned having a girlfriend though. Then, at a campfire outside he greeted the young lady, but came and sat down next to me. Come to find out it was his ex-girlfriend, who he was still trying to encourage to become more involved in church activities. I also know now that he purposefully sat down next to me to make it clear to me that he was not attached to this young lady. He was afraid his interaction with her would trouble me, and he was right.
At this point, I was a nervous wreck. I talked to my mom and sister a lot, telling them what was going on, what we were talking about, etc. I didn’t hide anything from them, and I really wanted my mom to meet Sean. They finally did meet up at a event that the college group put on. I led him to meet my mom, and he introduced me to his Mother. It was all so awkward. We were just friends, right?
At this point I put on the breaks a little bit. Sean was so eager to learn many new things. He asked me many questions about my conservative lifestyle, and wanted to know more about courtship. I let him borrow a few books to read, which he did. I thought he would get the point. The young man comes and asks the girl’s parents if he can court her. But he wasn’t coming.
At one point during the study, I actually had another young man interested in me that was in our small group. Sean clearly picked up on it, and thought for sure I would be mutually interested in this young man as he had been home schooled also and had embraced similar values as my own. I was NOT interested at all, and wished this guy would go away! At one point he asked me in front of Sean if I had come to the study with Sean, to which I replied no. He seemed happy and hopeful then, but I think he finally got the point that I wasn’t super friendly in talking with him :)
Months dragged on, 8 l-o-n-g months to be exact. During that time Sean spent some time doing a few church activities with my family. I was at his families house once for a special small group study that was held there.
Then it happened. Spring break came and with it we said goodbye. He said he would probably see me around that summer, and hoped I would have a good summer. I cried all the way home from the meeting. I felt cheated almost, as I wasn’t sure what to do. I had prayed and trusted the Lord through those 8 months, and I felt like I had just given my emotions away to a guy that wasn’t taking them seriously. I felt like the Lord had been telling me just to trust Him through all those months, so now what was to happen?
Sean actually called me a few days later, and at the end of the conversation he said he would see me the next day. I asked him what he meant, and he said my mom had written him a note asking him to come and see her. Interesting….I didn’t know anything about it. I got off the phone and asked my mom what was going on? She told me that she never intended for me to know about the meeting, but she was going to sit down with Sean and ask him what his intentions were. She said this had gone on long enough, and she couldn’t keep allowing me to talk to him, etc. if he had no future plans with me. As nervous as I was, I agreed with her. Emotionally I couldn’t handle this any longer.
The next day she sent me out of the house. I spent a very long two hours at the library, and then just sitting at a Civil War cemetery (of all places), praying to the Lord to help me through this. If he said no, my heart was going to be broken. If he said yes, I was
going to be a nervous wreck!
She finally called me and told me to come home. I asked what he said and in a nutshell, she said that he didn’t say yes, and he didn’t say no. He said he wanted to go home and pray about it, and he would be back that evening. Now I was REALLY nervous!
Come to find out, Sean had thought about courting me, but he honestly wasn’t sure how to go about it, and if we would even be open to that. That afternoon he went home and prayed a lot. He called and said he would be coming over for dinner. I can’t remember when I had ever been so nervous! When he knocked on the door, I didn’t want to answer it, but I made myself go and open the door. I’m afraid I was rather rude, I was so shy and nervous I barely looked at him all night, and didn’t talk much throughout dinner! After dinner was over, he was just standing there, so I asked him if he wanted a tour of our house. I showed him around. Finally he looked at me and said we should talk – alone, so we went outside and sat in front of the house on a blanket.
We sat on the blanket for well over two hours! Sean was getting mixed signals from me. My mom had made it clear I was interested in him, but I wasn’t acting that way. When he made it known that he would like to begin to court me, I begin to describe all the problems in my complex family life to make sure he was willing to deal with it. I learned that Sean’s major concern was whether or not he was worthy of me and my family. He admitted he was largely ignorant when it came to the mechanics of courtship and he didn’t want to do anything which would offend or disappoint my hopes and dreams for the process. He did make it perfectly clear, however, that by intimating this courtship, he ultimately intended to marry me. I accepted his proposal with the same understanding and have never looked back.
We went back in the house and I think my mom laid down some guidelines for us. By this time my dad was fast asleep as it was around midnight when we got done talking :)
So that is the very unconventional, non-typical courtship story of how we begin our courtship.
I do want to make it clear, that if my father had been involved it probably would have gone differently. A wise father would not have let that friendship blossom for eight months without knowing if that young man had any intentions of courting his daughter. My mother did the absolute best she could in that situation, and I know it was hard for her to play the role of the father. My dad just didn’t care to step in and do that. Sean’s parents had never even heard of courtship before I came around, and they were not extremely involved in the typical way either.
But, the Lord is gracious and merciful in these situations. Our courtship was sweet, and was filled with time spent with family.
Part three will be where I write more about what our actual courtship looked like….
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Girls Are Like Apple Trees….

August 30, 2011 by · 13 Comments

Love this! So many times virtuous young ladies look around wondering what in the world is wrong with them. Why isn’t there a young man interested in them? There is absolutely nothing wrong with them, they are lovely and beautiful to behold! Their ideals just scare men off, until a true man of valor comes along.
Mother’s, encourage your daughters to keep waiting! It is so worth it.
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Courtship Series Part 1: It all begins…

August 29, 2011 by · 20 Comments

We all want better for our children. I hear so many parents say they want to raise their children to be better than themselves. One issue of great importance that many parents want their children to have a better experience with is how they met and married their spouse. The multiple heartaches that came before getting married, and in some cases the sad event of losing their virginity before marriage, is grievous to many Christian parents today and they do not want the same grief and guilt for their children. I’m thankful that this wake up call has come to many within the Christian community. For my family, it came years ago when I was a young child.

I wanted to begin a series on courtship so that I might share my courtship story with you as well in the hopes that it might encourage or perhaps give you a different perspective on this very important issue. When I’m done, my older sister will have her story written out as well so I can share it on the blog. Our stories are very different, yet I consider both to be filled with the tokens of the leadings of God’s hand. The main reason I wanted to share our experiences with you is because they do not make for the typical textbook courtship story. We were not blessed to have four parents mutually involved, and that especially applied to our fathers. For that reason, our stories have been criticized as not being true courtship stories. However, standing at the other end of my own courtship some 8 years later, I can honestly say that the best definition of courtship is waiting emotionally and physically for the one man/woman that God has for you, and not dating around before hand just to test the waters. When you enter a relationship, Lord willing, that will be the person you marry. Mistakes always happen, and courtships do end, but the main goal of any courtship is ultimately marriage, hence, the very great care that must be employed when entering into courtship.
In case you are not familiar with what courtship is, here is a good definition found from Wikipedia that defines what Biblical Courtship is:

Biblical courtship, also known as Christian courtship, is a term used to denote a particular response to secular dating culture within various American Christiancommunities, c. 1985 to present. Motivated by concern for the need of Christian values in contrast to secular dating practices, conservative Christians identified what they saw as key Biblical principles for courtship and romance, and began to disseminate them in the 1980s.

The movement gained widespread exposure[citation needed] following the best-selling response to I Kissed Dating Goodbye, a popular contemporary treatment of Christian courtship by homeschool student Joshua Harris. Keynote speaker and author Dr. S.M. Davis has developed a unique stand on this philosophy, and his materials have been popular with the homeschool culture since the early 1990s. Proponents of the courtship movement say that it is identified by Biblical principles, rather than particular methods or behavioral practices. These principles have been summarized in Leave Dating Behind: a Road Map to Marriage by Christina Rogers within the acronym CARE

  • Commitment to marriage
  • Accountability
  • Rejection of the secular dating philosophy
  • Establishing physical boundaries

A more detailed list of courting ideals include:

  • The guardianship responsibility of fathers over single daughters.
  • The responsibility of parents to prepare their children for marriage in all respects, and for youths to be prepared in terms of talents, education, vocation and finances prior to seeking a courtship relationship.
  • The mentoring role of parents or other suitable “accountability couples” in a given courtship.
  • Supervision of courtships to mitigate temptations or abuse, whether of a sexual, emotional or financial nature.
  • Emphasis of the importance of marriage as an opportunity for Christian service rather than a selfish endeavor.
  • Emphasis of the importance of singleness before marriage as a time for greater Christian service in the community, rather than a time to be employed in selfish pursuits.
  • Emphasis of the importance of counsel and evaluation by family and friends as a relationship progresses.
  • Emphasis of the importance of honesty and getting to know one another as real people in “normal life” during courtship (as contrasted with the dating habit of meeting during special events and entertainment while on one’s best behavior.)
  • The maintenance of sexual purity.

Each courtship is unique insofar as the methods used to honor these principles will be unique in every given situation.

Let me start at the beginning, where I share what life was like back in the early 90′s when courtship was becoming more prevalent
in the homeschool community. When I was 11 we attended a Jonathan Lindvall seminar on courtship/betrothal. There were many good things to learn from that seminar, but I left feeling like there was no way my courtship would ever take place in the manner which he described. Besides not believing in betrothal, (where basically the parents pick out the bride for the bridegroom), I had one other little problem. My father did not attend that seminar, and furthermore, showed no interest in ever being deeply involved in the process of ensuring that his children would be equally yoked in their selection of a spouse . To many within the conservative Christian community, an uninvolved Father is supposed to be the Achilles heel of the whole courtship process, effectively reducing it sanctified dating. I would beg to differ, and I believe my courtship story bears this out.

As the years went on my Mom talked to us children about courtship, but mainly about keeping our hearts pure and saving it for the one person the Lord would have us to marry. We didn’t know how it would happen, but I was sure that the Lord would still allow me to have a courtship with a young man even though my father was going to have little involvement.
As a teenager, I read books on courtship by the Barth family, Eric and Leslie Ludy, Elisabeth Elliot, and Joshua Harris. I enjoyed all of them, and it helped me in waiting for my husband. I can’t say I was never interested in another young man growing up. I did notice a number of young men but tried hard to just let any thoughts of interest go, and wait to see who the Lord would bring.
Having grown up as a home schooler since pre-school, and being raised around lots of other homeschooling families, I only ever assumed that I would marry someone who was raised just like I was – a sober, conservative young man who had never kissed a girl before, and had prayed for me all of his life just like I was praying for him. The thought of marrying someone who had been public schooled never really entered my mind; after all didn’t every guy who went to public school think I was strange for being home schooled and wearing dresses all the time?
Our family went through several very difficult experiences when I was between the ages of 13- 16. Loss of close friends and betrayal, taking care of our dying great-grandpa, my mom almost dying once with her Lupus, and the most painful experience of my brother walking away from the Lord and abandoning his godly upbringing. We finally moved about 45 minutes away from where we were living, buying a house in the country. In one way it felt like a fresh start for our family. After all that we had been through the past few years, it was nice to be somewhere peaceful. The only problem is that we knew no one. After a while my sister and I started getting a little lonely. Its not like we had to constantly be flooded with friends, but we were basically completely alone where we were at!
My older sister was invited to start attending a college scripture study at a college town about 25 minutes away. We knew several of the young people there, and so after talking it over with our mom, she decided to go, which was very uncharacteristic for my normally shy and quiet sister. After attending one or two meetings, she told my mom that several people had invited me to attend also, even though I was still in high school. I didn’t really think that my mom would let me attend, and I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go. After all, I was only 16, and these were all college age people! How would I ever survive? : )
Amazingly, my mom decided it was fine, and my dad gave his ok as well. Their only concern was that it was on a street that was filled with bars all around the study house, and I think they preferred having both of us together instead of just my sister down there at night. After attending several of the meetings, we both started to enjoy it a lot. There were several girls in particular that we grew to be close friends with.
We were not attending the study to find husbands. That was the last thing on my mind especially. But I do remember one night after leaving the study my sister and I both confided to each other that we were certain we would not be finding our husbands at this college study. We didn’t connect with any of the young men there in anything other than a friendly passing hello. We looked different than the average girl, always coming in a dress or skirt, and we were quiet. I don’t think the guys at the study knew what to do with us, so most of them just left us alone, (for which we were grateful!) The normal friendly camaraderie that goes on between college youth was not normal or comfortable for my sister and I.
The summer break came and before we knew it the fall semester had started again. We faithfully headed back down to the scripture study, thinking it would be just like the previous semester. When we got there they announced that we were going to split everyone up into small groups this year. There would be a young man leading each small group of about 6-8 people, and you were supposed to get together before the main meeting for study, prayer, etc. We all stood in a circle and called out numbers splitting us into a group. I remember being extremely nervous, hoping I would get to stay with my sister in her group. But that was not to be. I walked over to my group, glancing almost in a panic at my sister as she walked away to hers.
Little did I know that this small group study was going to change my life forever!
To be continued…
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