Exhausted but happy right after the birth of Deborah Grace.
Blog readers that get a glimpse into my life might get the impression that I had the perfect life growing up. I was blessed to be homeschooled all of my life. I had a fantastic relationship with my mother. She was far from perfect, but she sought the Lord in her life, and tried to raise her children to hunger and thirst after righteousness. I was raised to embrace and love the biblical role of being a wife, mother, and homemaker. Part of my high school experience was spent pouring over books teaching me how to homeschool, raise a family, and be a good wife. Having saved myself solely for my husband, I was given the great blessing of meeting my future husband at 17, start a courtship with him at 18, and be married at 19. Our first child came into our lives at 20. The perfect life, right?
I think everyone should realize there is no such thing as a “perfect” life. It can be easy to look at another person’s life and be jealous, thinking they have everything they want. But most times, that person has experienced heartache somehow. We live in a fallen, sinful world. We cannot experience a perfect life , as we do not live in a perfect world. No matter how much we long to live in a little sheltered bubble, free from pain, conflict, and trials, we can’t shelter ourselves all the time.
There have been difficult moments in my life. Trials when I have stopped and asked God “why me?” I have been forced to my knees, crying in utter despair over situations. Feeling as if the clouds would always be present, and wondering if the sun would shine again in my life.
We are told over and over again that we are to praise God during the trials, and praise Him in the blessings. It’s true, though it’s one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Praising God doesn’t mean you have to rejoice in your trials. I don’t rejoice in the fact that my mother was chronically sick from the time I was 11 on up until her death when I was 27. I do have to still keep trusting God though, and thanking Him for the blessings He has given me. The day she died, and months afterwards I had to keep checking myself that I would not turn bitter against God. When the bitterness would creep in, I would try to start praising the Lord for the beautiful, wonderful moments I had with my mom. There are days I still have to do that. Trying to find joy instead of sorrow. Contentment instead of bitterness.
I’ve had many dreams in my life that have never come to pass. A close relationship with my father. An older brother that walked near to God’s path. As I got older I dreamed of marrying into a close knit homeschooling family, thinking that would help heal the pain of my own family woes. That was not to happen either, and my in-laws marriage ended in a tragic divorce a few years ago.
Trust God. Really? Yes Lord. I will trust.
I had glorious dreams when we started having children. Snuggles at bedtime, tea parties in the afternoon, peaceful school time hours where children loved to learn. Working together happily at chores, reading all afternoon out of books that we couldn’t stay out of.
Then I had my first child. He screamed for months after being born. He was strong willed, and could throw such intense fits at the age of 2 that it scared my husband and I. We turned to all the parenting books, only to finally discover that there is not a perfect child training method that works for all children. We had lots of trial and error in raising him, and we still don’t have it all figured out.
In a few months I will turn 30. I’ve been reflective during the past few months. The last 10 years of my life have been the highlight of my life that I dreamed about from a very young age. The babies being born, the fun toddler years, the start of homeschooling for my second time around!
It’s been wonderful and terrible. I’ve known joy and agony. Days of bliss, and days of tears. Times when I want to gather my children close and play in the park all day long, and days when I long to send them all to bed for the day and drink hot chocolate and disapear in a good book.
Trust God? Yes, I will keep trusting.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea.” Psalms 46:1-2
(My Mother loved this song and sang it at church one time. The pictures someone set to this on youtube is not what I would have chosen for this post, but it’s the only version I could find and I wanted to share this song. I love this version of Psalms 46.)
So very touching. Thank you for sharing your journey and your beautiful children with us. What a wonderful reminder to continue to trust God no matter what. I think we all need to hear that from time to time. Hope you have a good rest of your week. Many blessings, Lisa
Great post, Caroline!
Your life is perfect because you are allowing God to lead it. It may not feel ideal from your standpoint, but God’s ways are higher than our ways and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Trials and sorrow are a part of His plan for all of us, they help us develop faith and trust in our Savior and to understand joy. You are right, keep trusting God. Trust His plan and His timing, surely it is better than our own. Only He can ‘see the end from the beginning’. Only He knows our full potential, and only He knows how we can best reach that potential.
thank you for the inspiring post!
Not true, might be a cute saying, but not Biblical… Jeremiah 29:11 declares: For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Trial as and sorrow, not His plan.
Danielle, trials and sorrows are exactly part of what God uses for our good and His glory; for our future and our hope. He promises that He is changing us into the image of the Son; we know from Scripture that He is refining us. The things it takes to melt us down, change us from the inside-out and remove the dross from our lives; to change us so that we become a reflection of Christ and learn to love and worship Him wholly ARE good things, no matter the challenges or the temporary pain they may cause. The passage in Jeremiah is in the midst of God’s word to Jeremiah of horrible devastation He promises on Israel. That passage is God’s promise that despite all appearances of utter annihilation, God’s purposes in it all are for ultimate good and a hope and future for His people.
We’ll have to agree to disagree. The God I serve doesn’t give pain, sorrow, grief, sickness, disease etc. John 10:10 says the thief only comes to steal, kill, destroy, but I have come to so that you have life and life more abundantly.
We go through things in life, as that’s what happens. God knows about it, and is there w/us, to help us, and to guide us. He does not bring it upon us.
I too, had a fantastic childhood and later, the fairy tale courtship and love story my heart always dreamed of. We have recently endured a tragedy, a betrayal of the very covenant our marriage was built on. I had to shake off the “why me?” and fall to my face before Jesus, begging Him not to waste this hurt. And He hasn’t. He is using our story, turned HIS, to remind others they CAN fight for their marriage, victory is theirs by the blood of Jesus. Thank you for this post today! A friend sent me your way and I am thankful and blessed to have read this encouragement today!
Thank you! Blessings,
Tonya from 4 little Fergusons
Oh Caroline! Thank you so much…..Verse 5 is what I’m clinging to for dear life at the moment. I thank God for His perfect timing with your encouragement to us to trust Him.
Such a beautiful family! Your words really touched my heart – from one mom to another.
I believe God’s dreams for us are much greater than those we have for ourselves. Definitely keep trusting…and praising Him.
Blessings to you friend,
Rosann
Thank you for sharing this honest look into your life, your heart. I just had to say that I love the pic of you and your children! makes me smile — every little personality shines through those beautiful faces, and love shines from yours. I always enjoy the things you share with us. Blessings to you and your family!
Oh, I can so relate! I am so happy with the husband and kiddos God has given me. I am blessed with parents and siblings I love, but I have had struggles and disappointments and tears and questions. But God has been there.
“I had glorious dreams when we started having children. Snuggles at bedtime, tea parties in the afternoon, peaceful school time hours where children loved to learn. Working together happily at chores, reading all afternoon out of books that we couldn’t stay out of.” Loved this-I’m so prone to picture the perfect scenario, forgetting that outside of heaven, we won’t have perfect. I think it’s good to have a high standard to strive for, yet don’t beat myself up when I fail.
It’s always a relief, for me, to hear someone else relate to others about their own imperfections. I feel like I sometimes LIVE in my imperfections, just working and working, trying to get to the flip side. Thank God for his ability to transform and grow us mothers.
I also am still having to “check” myself now and then when I think about my loved one that just passed away, too. Sure puts life into perspective quickly, showing that it IS quick, and everyday counts. Thanks for your post, Caroline.
Thank you, Caroline for this hard-won and heart felt testimony. Praising God in all things is something I have not embraced until lately, and it was far more empowering than my prior habit of thanking sometimes and complaining periodically. It’s these seemingly little things that can change the night to day, as far as mood, daily perspective and a long-time hope.
The photo of you and your kiddos just shines, I can tell how happy you are to be a mama. Sometimes I think the most important gift we offer our families is our love.
Blessings,
Eve
I really enjoyed this post! May God continue to bless you and your family.
thank you for sharing this today. i think we all feel like this at one point or another. you are an encouragement and a blessing to me. continue being real and sharing your heart. You are an inspiration through your highs and your lows.
God bless!
I just wanted to thank you for this post. Since I’m going through some trying times right now, this post was VERY encouraging! Thank-you! God bless!