I love homeschooling. I think it is the best choice that is out there for most children in today’s culture. However, having grown up in the homeschooling community from a young child on up, there are a few things that concern me about the homeschooling enviroment. We try to keep a close watch on these things within our own family, trying to stand guard against them.
Here are a few things that our family watches for.
1. The danger of burning out and giving up.
Over the years I have seen this happen time and time again. If we are not careful to stand guard against this, as mother’s we can quickly become burnt out and give up. Our children are then sent off to private or public school, and our vision we had for why we were keeping our children home becomes lost in the relief that they are gone.
Ways to guard against this:
Spend time in prayer with God constantly asking for strength.
Try to surround yourself with encouraging friends or mentors.
Give yourself breaks. Don’t expect perfection, and don’t be too hard on yourself if you take a day off now and then.
2. The danger of assuming that your children will turn out alright because you are homeschooling.
I hear more and more stories of homeschooling students who rebel (as do public school students, so I don’t blame it on the homeschooling!). My own brother does not follow the Lord now and he was homeschooled almost all his life. The pulls and temptations of the world are still present for homeschooling students, even though they are at home more.
Ways to guard against this:
Don’t grow lax in trying to reach their hearts, and win them to the Lord simply because you homeschool and are with them all day long.
As they become teenagers, don’t let your guard down and suddenly let them become absorbed with the things of the world. Just because you turn that “magical” number ( I.E. 13 or 16) does not mean that the child might be ready for a part time job, or a smart phone, or your complete trust. Stand guard against the world’s influence until you truly see their heart is won over to the Lord. For some they might be in the Lord’s army, devoted and ready to serve Him when they are 16. Most will still need your support as they battle through the world’s charms.
3. Watch out for prideful attitudes in your children.
This is something that is not talked about very often, but it’s something that concerns my husband and I. We have recognized that homeschooling children can become self absorbed easily, and even become a little proud of their lifestyle as they are different than other people. If you try to walk a different path than the Lord through convictions or just lifestyle preferences (you might be walking a different path if you homeschool, believe in courtship, you don’t have a tv in your home, you home church or go to a family integrated church, you give birth at home, you are convicted on modesty, some might wear head coverings. The list could go on…). Our children start realizing that they walk a different path, and they might start mocking others who do not believe like they do. As homeschooling families it’s easy to feel alone. We don’t want our children to grow up thinking because your family stands alone in many beliefs that it means they are holier and more righteous than everyone else. It’s a dangerous attitude that is oftentimes very hard to recognize, and once recognized it’s very hard to correct.
Ways to guard against this:
Teach your children to have a heart for others. If they have compassion on the weak, the sickly, and the poor, then they will not be so quick to mock the people who do not follow the Lord like they should.
It’s not all about your child. Don’t raise them to be so self absorbed that they can’t see other people’s cares and burdens. Try to go beyond just your immediate family and reach out to others. At Christmas time my sister and her husband take my children shopping for the Operation Christmas Shoebox project. My children are very excited to pick out gifts for little children they have never met, and we talk throughout the year about what those children might be doing with the things they received. We also have befriended a widow down the street from us, and try to visit her once in a while on Sunday evenings. Our children are the only grandchildren on both sides of the family, so it’s easy for them to have that “I’m special” attitude, but we do recognize it and are trying very hard to fight against it.
Talk to them about humbleness, and read them scriptures about being humble. Remind them that without the Lord they are nothing, and they constantly need His spirit and strength to make it in this life.
Homeschooling is a great blessing, and one that we should not take lightly. Raising children is a huge job, and when you add homeschooling it is an even bigger job! It is only through the Lord’s help that we can successfully raise godly young people that are desiring to follow God. It is my prayer that we all will persevere and fight the good fight!
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One of the things I appreciate so much about your blog is the honesty with which you write. I don’t believe I’ve seen the potential for negatives on any other homeschooling blog. Thank you for keeping your eyes on Jesus as you live out your faith in Him, and God bless you as you endeavor to raise your family to know and serve Him as well!
Well said on every point!!! Just because we homeschool I don’t want my children to think that they/we are better than anyone else. I try to teach them to be kind and compassionate and merciful towards everyone. It is an advantage that we get to talk about God all day in everything we do…read scripture…sing songs and hymns. It’s a tough job, this homeschooling thing, but oooooooh so rewarding!!!
Wonderful post! Especially the one about “we have recognized that homeschooling children can become self absorbed easily, and even become a little proud of their lifestyle as they are different than other people.” That was one of my biggest concerns about homeschooling because I saw it so freqently in the homeschool children I was around. Thankfully it did not hold us back but made us more aware of how diligent we, as parents, need to be to guard against this. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this. I think so often homeschooling families work so hard to defend their their choice that they aren’t willing to admit there can be some problems with it as well. Giving up happened in my husbands family, and as a result when he was put in public school at age 13, he was several grade levels behind. Pride is also a concern, its okay to take pride in your lifestyle and beliefs, but not to allow that to make you act better than someone who takes a different path.
Good post! These things have been on my heart lately. I’ve been lax in some areas, and am prayerfully making changes.
Hey Caroline!!
Loved your blog today!!
You brought out some really great points when it comes to keeping your children from being self-absorbed because they are homeschooled. I love how you gave ways to guard against that very thing. Thank you for sharing your wisdom because I will definitely need it and refer back to it when the time comes for me to homeschool my children.
Take care Caroline, I look forward to reading your next blog!
Lindsey
Thank you Caroline for this post. While I believe homeschooling is best of our family, you are right, there are still dangers out there. Our firstborn just got dropped off for college, quite far from home, and is really struggling. I think it is in part because she was homeschooled all her life. (not blaming, just explaining!). She is use to cooking, cleaning, sewing and being with her family 24/7. She likes being home! I know she can do the work, as she duel credited her first year already and received all A’s. The coursework is not the issue, the heart is! If she comes to mind this weekend, please include her in your prayers. This momma’s heart is struggling!
Hello! This is my first time here. Excellent post!
I’m a homeschooling Mom of 6 children. All the dangers you list here, I’ve seen. I think the biggest danger from a mom’s perspective is thinking that she is doing it on her own. Honestly, we are sometimes so focused on trying to prove that we can do this, that our own hearts are not focused on the Lord. We don’t have to prove anything. We just need to live our lives before our children in such a way that they know what is most important. Personally, we haven’t shielded our children from the world but we have walked beside them, always ready to talk and listen to their thoughts and their struggles. When our older children struggle (even those living elsewhere), they know that they can call us and talk and they know that we will give them the wisdom of the scriptures and we will pray for them. When our children went to college and then our oldest moved to another state, we researched the churches in the area and then went with them to check it out. The first one she tried, she visited for a month and never had anyone reach out to her. The second one she went to, she met two families and quickly got knit into the church. This is such an important area. Oh, and in all of this, the joy of the Lord is our strength!:)
Yes – it is so important for homeschool families not to stand on their laurels and to remember…to hand it all over to God…I fall into those same traps…it’s pride, it’s arrogant andit does nothing to glorify God!
I home-schooled my kids for 6 years, then taught at a local private school. Now I have grandchildren.
From my perspective, home schooled kids can be so familiar with quick response to their needs,(small classroom size),that they are uncomfortable in a larger group. In other words, they may be used to being a big fish in a little pond and don’t quite understand the little fish in a big pond concept.
Home-schooling is like many other things we choose.. Motives are so varied – thankfully, God knows what they are- but sometimes, what is hidden becomes more obvious later.
Blessings,
Carolyn
I’ll add that I have found many, many home school families that have tried to shield their kids from the world and have ended up with a “exclusive spirit”. I don’t know how else to explain it. They’re happy to welcome you into their home but there’s always a sense of “your not one of our family”.
Also – there’s a hardness that comes with boys in a traditional school. I see the problems with that hardness but I also see the good in some of it. If our boys are going to be in the public arena (working, schooling, etc) they need to somehow develop a hardness or determination while still having the soft naivete that I see in many home school boys. God help us as we home school!
Great post! I think it is extremely important to spend a lot of time together as a family as well. I see a lot of families homeschooling but then sending their children to spend most of their time with other youth or on the internet conversing with whomever. We also like to sing together in places that aren’t implicitly Christian. It’s given us a chance for the children to minister and be around non-believers with their parents and siblings. It’s been good.
On a more humorous note, my boys made a video called the “Dangers of Homeschooling” that I thought you might enjoy! Thank you for your words of wisdom!
Oops here’s the link!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RO01vlbtF_4&list=UUXDt1bhROj7A5v3eDKhO7gg&index=2&feature=plcp
Wow I’m really learning alot about the home schooling community. We dont have that in the Jewish community as we usually have appropriate religious schools catering to the various streams of Judiasm. Of course we have to pay through the nose for our children to attend these schools as (in Canada) there was not government funding or assistance for faith-based schools. (Actually in Ontario the Catholic schools were free, but not the non-Catholic – go figure.)
Is that why there is HomeSchooling? Why are there not suitable faith-based schools? Is there something superior to home schooling over faith-based public schools? For 20 years I was involved in trying to get government funding for the secular portion (math, English, Science, History, etc) of Elementary and High School for Faith based schools, but did not succeed. Religious schooling was extremely expensive, and we parents who set this as a priority and struggled with the tuition, didnt go on vacations and send their kids to camp and have 2 cars or get new furniture. Thank G*d our kids grew up without major trouble and are now 3/4 married with children, and all live in Holy Israel. The challenge for this new generation, in Israel, will not be the funding, as religious education is virtually free here, but learning in two languages (English and Hebrew). Life is interesting!.
Great post! I see the pride in my own children and am desperate for the Lord’s help. This post has some helpful ideas that I haven’t tried.
Thanks
What a great post.
We’re just about to start with our 4 1/2 yr old this year (with 2 younger siblings & #4 due in Jan) and I’m so worried that I’ll give up easily & end up sending her off to school, as I’ve seen this happen to friends.
Great reminders, all of them.
Thanks! Being new to the world of homeschooling I appreciate this. As other have said, we often defend our choices to the point of not admitting the negatives, but like that you acknowledge them for those of us who may not know and I love that you have an idea for a solution
Wow! I wish i would have read your article about 3 years ago.. It is ringing so true right now.. My oldest daughter just rebelled and left home. I have been considering putting my 5th grade son in private school.. Everything thing you have said in this article is me…Pray for us.. thanks!
Great advice.
Operation Christmas Child/shoebox is a fun way to serve others. We have done that, and befriending older people has also been helpful. I’ve found as much as we serve and bless others, it has always come back as a blessing again to us.
One other way my kids have served is that when we visit a grandparent, before the kids run for the treats or toys, I encourage them to ask Grandma one thing they can do to help out. The kids and Grandma all (surprisingly!) love this, and my young sons and daughter have learned to fold hand towels and scoop doggie poop a lot better this way
I appreciate your reminder to pray for guidance. Raymond and Dorothy Moore’s 3 part formula helps us maintain balance in our homeschool life, too.
1) Study from a few minutes to several hours a day, depending on the child’s maturity.
2) Manual work at least as much as study.
3) Home and/or community service an hour or so a day. Focus on kids’ interests and needs; be an example in consistency, curiosity, and patience.
When I see things sliding, I pay attention to me and my husband and what we are modeling. We make those corrections there, first, and then find ways to redirect our kids toward whatever it is that is needed. Not perfect, but figuring this thing called life out!
Blessings,
Eve
InchwormChronicles.blogspot.com
Carolyn,
Excellent post! These have been concerns of ours, too. Thinking we ‘know better’ because we home-school can be a terrible witness. I will be bold and ask you to please consider linking up this post at the ‘EOA’ Wednesday link-up. I would like to feature it next WEdnesday. What an important reminder! Also, please consider linking -up whenever possible…I think what you have to share is very edifying and would be a blessing many ladies! Thank you!
I agree with the points you made. I have witnessed in my own family those who have left the Lord and followed in paths of sin after being home-schooled most of their school years. I must also admit I have home-schooled and, though I am not currently home-schooling, one thing I really feel is a negative in home-schooling is the fact that some parents don’t seem to realize how important it is to try to keep up with their children’s grade level especially in reading and math. It is a bad rap for home-schoolers when they see it as the only option for their child yet do not put enough priority into teaching what needs to be taught. It is definitely not everyone’s cup of tea to teach multiple grades and keep records of progress, etc., but doing a poor job just for the sake of keeping the children away from the world isn’t setting a Christ-like example. The children may not all be straight A students but they do need to keep up. I find it sad when parents have to make excuses for poor learning/teaching habits and lax teaching time. It is a task that must be set about with diligence and excellence like any other task– as if being done for and to the Lord.