My sister and I together on a play date with my children
Over and over again I hear a common complaint.
“I feel all alone in life. We don’t have any likeminded friends where we are at.”
I can relate to those feelings.
Growing up we had one set of friends. Due to different circumstances we parted ways when I was 12. Until the Lord opened the door for new friends to be found, our friends were found within our family. Looking back, I see many blessings that came from not being surrounded by an abundance of friends my whole life.
- My relationship with my sister increased and was made even stronger. She became my true best friend, along with my mother.
- I talked more to my mother, and we grew even closer as we spent a lot of time together!
- Our convictions were strong. We did not start dressing modestly, or homeschooling from peer pressure due to friends. Rather they were formed from my mother earnestly seeking and searching what the best way to raise her children would be.
- I was content with less. I learned to play by myself and with my brother and sister growing up. Jumping on the trampoline, riding bikes, going hiking (I was dragged along by my older brother and sister!), and building an indian tepee were exciting fun things I did growing up.
- I did not experience wanting to dress a certain way, buy the latest and greatest things, or try to mimic my friends. If anything, I tried to be like my older sister, and she graciously allowed me to tag along with her and try to mimic her.
We were not part of a homeschool group until I was in high school, and even then my mother was so sick with her Lupus that she could not participate. Our time spent there was joining the high school choir, which was a real treat for us. Some might say that we were socially deprived, but I honestly have never felt that way.
My sister, Mom and I at a Bed and Breakfast together a few months before she passed away. It was a dream of her’s to go to one, and my husband and brother in law made it happen for us to go together for a girl’s night out!
If your children do not know anything different, most likely they won’t be moaning about the fact that they don’t have an abundance of friends. Encourage them to build friendships with their siblings. You don’t have to be close in age to be great friends. My older sister is almost six years older than I am.
Ladies have asked me how to meet likeminded families where they live. My best advice is simply to pray about it. We tried and tried to find families to be friends with, but until the Lord opened the door it just didn’t happen. And when He did open the door, it was done in an amazing way, where you could easily spot the Lord’s hand directing our meeting these new families.
Here are some excellent resources to assist you in raising godly children if you find yourself in this time of life.
When you are experiencing times of great loneliness, don’t forget to read the Psalms! They are full of comfort and encouragement for the weary soul.
Caroline, what a great post! I also struggle with this a lot of times, but haven’t given much thought to the “damage” that some friendships could cause for myself and most importantly my children. Thank you!
This is a very encouraging post! I appreciate your practical tips too. I wanted to add that I recently found new friends through http://www.arrowcollectors.com. It’s a very neat site that just needs more participation to make it flourish!
Thank you so much for your post! I grew up in a different world, went to public school, and never dreamed of living the way I do now. I homeschool my oldest who starts high school next year, my middle boy who is 5 will homeschool for kindergarten next year, and my youngest is about to turn four…. my little boys are so close together because God allowed them to be, my husband and I wanted them to have a close sibling bond… as a result all three boys get along great, and spend much time playing together…. while I worry (OFTEN) that my 13 year old is not getting enough socialization it is nice for me to read your post and know that we don’t always have to do things the worlds way…in fact .`…. Thanks again…
I agree with you. Your 13 yr old will be just fine , especially with your
don’t let the worldly way of living tell you any different!
Rayers and with guidance from The Lord
We must “shelter”, protect and nurture our children. Just as we find ourselves sheltered in the shadow of God’s wings. I grew up with plenty of friends and it was a really bad place to be. It was not Godly. I praise God for changing my heart and showing me a different way to raise my children. They need Him, not all the distractions. We as parents must guide them in that direction. I made the mistake with my two oldest sons, thinking they needed that socialization and it was the worst thing for them. They completely rejected the Lord because of the pressure from their “friends”. Especially those friends from church. We no longer attend that “worldly minded” church. And I praise God that one of my two older sons has received salvation. We are still praying for the other. But I know now that I will err on the other side with my other 5 kids.
Thanks for your encouraging post.
Thank you so much for this post! I am one of the ones who complains a bit about not having like minded friends, but your blog has helped a lot in the way that I can now say that I know someone who believes (and dresses) just like we do. I am growing up (or have grown up, I can’t deiced weather I’m still growing up or not!) just like you did, and my mother is my best-est friend EVER!
That’s wonderful Heather! My mother, sister and I used to spend many late nights just talking and laughing till we cried.
What fun memories I have!!
The truth of the matter is, you don’t need that many friends- it takes time and effort to maintain friendships, and 2 or 3 family friendships is enough for just about anyone to handle! However, I think it’s very important that you do have some fellowship with other believers- even if they don’t dress or think exactly the way you do.
I agree, it is very important to have believers to fellowship with. I’m not encouraging not attending a church, just trying to give encouragement in case families haven’t found a family they can be close friends with.
I’ve been looking at the Character Qualities list that the Duggars use and am getting ready to incorporate them into our family life. When I saw Hospitality and that the direct opposite is Loneliness, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Like so many other women, I have tended towards feeling lonely and wished for more like-minded families around us. The solution is so simple… when I’m feeling lonely, I need to turn my mind towards hospitality and service. That is the answer God is giving me for my loneliness.
Thank you soooooooooooooo much for this post!! The lord blesses me in funny ways, like bringing me to your blog! Your words in this post, are the thoughts in My mind!!!! When I gave my life to the Lord a few years ago, I felt the call to drop my friends. It’s too long to explain but let’s just say I was ready to follow the Lord 100% of my best ability and hanging out with fashionista gossiping drunk hairdressers was not going to mix well. Slowly, one by one, I was left with just two dear friends I still hold close. Now, at 27 years old, my best friend is my sister. And I wish to raise my two (and future to come children) lil ones to be best friends with their siblings. I’ve tried mommy play dates, but I do not feel it is a good environment for my children. Wether it’s bad habits, no morals, etc….it is not from the Lord. My direction for my families life seems similar to yours. It’s amazing
ever since I started dressing modestly, I’ve noticed a huge improvement in my 5yr old daughter. No longer does she comment on why I get to get all “cute”, nor does she comment on the “cool” fashion when we’re shopping. I am her example, and she is following! She even likes to say, “wow mommy, that’s modest!” and she dresses the same. I am so grateful. Now if only we can get out of southern California…….haha
That’s wonderful! I can’t imagine living in California, I feel for you there. I can imagine you need major “shielders” on your eyes whenever you go out!
Totally, it’s horrible. We’ve relocated to a mountain town where the population is 6,000 and we have beautiful mountains and trees and a lake all around us..but…………….it is also only a couple of hours from L.A and other major “cool” cities so our weekends are pretty corrupt because it is a tourist location:( But I am thankful for the quiete times during the week, the beautiful Scenery to raise our kids in, and it’s better than the 110,00 populated city we use to live in. When the Lord says so, we will hopefully live in a whole different state!
I grew up in Africa to missionary parents. My sister was always my best friend and still is. I am 50 now! My children also grew up overseas and were best friends with each other. Now they are all in college and struggling to make good friends. I understand because I was the same way….just a bit different from your average kids.
I’m sorry for the loss of your mother.
Thank you so much for this post, it has been a blessing and a God-send. I too was homeschooled, but there was never any encouragement to form lasting relationships with my siblings. There were mostly strains and sibling rivalry. Also, my parents made sure we were very “socialized”. They bought into the fear that we would be outcasts and wouldn’t fit in anywhere. They were so very wrong. I appreciate, and am grateful for the Christian upbringing they gave me, but I do wish I had a closer bond with my sister and brother. When my husband and I began our family, we made sure to foster healthy relationships among our children. Lately I’ve been confronted on the issues of socializing my 13 year old, the oldest of our nine children, but have never felt at peace getting involved with groups and organizations. She’s doing just fine right where she is! We have always told our children that friends will come and go, but you are stuck with your family, so you’d better learn to get along.
This was such an encouragement to hear! We have always homeschooled our children and for about the firt 5 or 6 years of that had them very involved in everything but it seemed like they were growing apart and always wanted to be with “friends”. We decided to make some major changes and one of them was to make family best friends and HOME to be the most special and best place to be. Now we still do fellowship with others but just not constantly like before. And no splitting up with everyone going with friends but we do this as a family. Not that this was a popular decision for us some friendships just didn’t make it but this was actually a good thing in many cases!!! Even in the homeschool environment there is so much worldliness. I always thought when you homeschooled you had things in common with others but how untrue that became. Oh wow I could go on and on about how much we learned through this. I love hearing of adults that were taught this way and have wonderful relationships with their siblings and I love how close you were to your Mother I can feel the love you have for her in your words and I am so sorry she is no longer with you. What a wonderful legacy she has left to know that you and your sister are so close!!!! Thank you again!
Count me in! I grew up in a popular and very large religion. Once I was shown the truth about salvation in the Bible and that works wouldn’t get me anywhere, my life began to change rapidly. I couldn’t get enough of God’s Word after finding out I had been deceived since birth. I am a self-published evangelical Christian author with a misunderstood series by some Christians who don’t take the time to ask me about it or read it themselves. I am also a homeschooling mother of 5. I chose to step away from my old friends ions ago. My story is a little different though because of my book series. We attended a church with people we thought were like-minded. Instead they judged me without reason. Instead of talking to me and judging me by my fruit, they gossiped and it got back to us. My husband doesn’t want to go to church now anywhere because of this. Instead we have Bible time led by him every Sunday. I have a great support system of like-minded, real Christians online, but none of them are here. The ones that are aren’t don’t have the exact same convictions we do. Being a homeschooling mom does tend to set you apart. I am lonely and craving fellowship with Christian women since I have none with my mother and sisters. It’s hard, but I agree with you. it’s all in God’s time. <3
I have been very blessed with some very good church friends, not that I always agree with all of them on everything, but I don’t think that’s necessary. For me personally, the internet world has been very encouraging. Not for friendships, but for realizing, “Hey, there are other people out there who dress/think/etc. like me!” (In other words, keep you blog posts coming!)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and wisdom on this subject. I relate heavily to feeling alone and apart from others. I have often wondered what is wrong with me that I do not have the sitcom set of friends. lol. I have found your insight very thought provoking. I must agree with Jacqueline, the internet world has been a wonderful way to find people/ blogs that I relate too.
Thanks for the interesting post. For a long time I felt like we didn’t have any like-minded friends, but now I feel like I have more friends than time to maintain the friendships. But, I have a question for you. I was not raised in a Christian home, but have been a Christian now for about ten years. My husband and I have five children, almost exactly the ages of yours, and we also homeschool and live similarly to how you do. We are not sure about letting our children play with the neighbor kid–he’s a boy from a rough home (no supervision whatsoever, and we do not let our kids play at his house)–who is the same age as our oldest (girl.) I really want to show him Christ’s love, but I don’t want to sacrifice my children in doing it.